


Carry On My Wayward Son

by AidenIsTrash



Series: Defining Family [1]
Category: Bandom, Mindless Self Indulgence, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Adoption, Foster Care, Gender Dysphoria, M/M, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-18
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-07-14 02:55:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 28,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16031501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AidenIsTrash/pseuds/AidenIsTrash
Summary: "A problem is a problem no matter how big or small it is in comparison to other problems. So when people tell you that there are others worse off in the world, and that you should be happy with what you have, it gets on my nerves. Why do we live in a society that undermines people like that, tells you to ignore your own problems so that they suffocate you and continue to do so till you drown. Though maybe it is not all of society, it may just be the life I have grown up in, and the people that have surrounded me."Blake is a trans boy who wants nothing more then to just get out of the  system and onto their own two feet.  Life has never been fair to him, acceptance is non existent, understanding is but a myth, and love is a fairy tale. All he can do is carry on and hope for the best, that is until the Way family makes an appearance in his life.





	1. This Is Not My Home

A problem is a problem no matter how big or small it is in comparison to other problems. So when people tell you that there are others worse off in the world, and that you should be happy with what you have, it gets on my nerves. Why do we live in a society that undermines people like that, tells you to ignore your own problems so that they suffocate you, and continue to do so till you drown. Though maybe it is not all of society, it may just be the life I have grown up in, and the people that have surrounded me. Then again, it is a society that raised the person who just slapped me on the face for trying to be me.

"You.are.a.girl. Stop this stupid attention seeking thing you've got going on. and get your ass to fucking school young lady" the intimidating women in front of me sternly disciplines me. Charlotte Brown my current foster mother, also my eighth foster parent in the past five years. She is a portly women with a stern look in her muddy brown eyes at a constant twenty-four /seven scowl etched onto her face. Her hair is a dull and lifeless brown similar to her eyes. She stands at an average 5'8" which is quite intimidating to my petite 5'3".

As the women clearly demonstrated before, she is a kind accepting women... If only she was, my life would be a lot simpler, no miss C is a grouchy thirty year old women stuck in the 1920's. No matter how hard I try to reason with her about modern views and acceptance, she will not listen. Sadly this leaves me at a strong disadvantage being as I am a small boy trapped in a girls body. Though I do not know why I even try anymore considering every foster family I have been with have all been just as accepting. To me it is as if people who will support you are so far away, just out of my reach. You can find these people on the internet but never see them in everyday life, at least not in mine.

With a deep breath I run back to my room to change into acceptable clothes. A quick look into my full length mirror I see the sight that is me. With waist length blonde hair so bright it looks bleached, and bright icy blue eyes staring back at me. My eyes travel down to the rest of my body to see a slight chub that I can never seem to out run. The chub that never ceases to make me feel self conscious about my appearance. Then again my obvious curves and c-cup breasts do not help in any way either.

Before the tears could start to flow, I quickly change into a simple black skirt, and a black short sleeve top. Grabbing my backpack I run down stairs right past miss C, without a word, and out the door. I slow my pace until I am walking towards the school I will spend the next few hours at. The grip on my backpack turns my knuckles white as I try to hold myself together. This may be normal for me, and I have come to accept it as such for the rest of my life in the system, but it does not mean I cope with it well.

The school comes into view after I turn the corner, with a deep breath I walk up to the front door and enter. Mindlessly I walk towards my locker getting ready for the monotonous day of hell as per usual. Plugging my headphones into my old ass iPhone I turn my music on shuffle and take a sigh of relief. Tapping my feet to the beat and closing my eyes, helps me center myself so that I can take on the day, and less likely break down.

Opening my eyes I close my locker and head to my first period class, English. I walk through the door with a slight smile and wave to the teacher before heading to my assigned seat. Taking out my book I lose myself in the world of literature and music, that is until the bell rings and I am forced to pay attention. Closing my book I place it on the desk, and I take out one of my headphones. My eyes focus on the teacher as she starts today's lesson. I do my best to concentrate but my mind will not stop wandering off into my roller coaster of thoughts. It is not that much of a surprise though, considering it happens to me a lot.

The class continues like this, with me zoning in and out of focus on the lesson until the bell rings. I grab my stuff and exit the class and onto the next one. Guitar was my favourite class; I was very excited to find out that there was a whole class dedicated to just guitar at the beginning of the year. I went to my usual spot in the corner after picking up a guitar from the rack. Pulling out my notebook as fast as I can, I flip to my most recent entry and start testing it out to see how it actually sounded.

Miss Jackson, the music teacher, came and sat down in front of me. She quietly listened to me play with her eyes closed. When I stopped playing she smiled and started talking "I like this one, very punk. What are you gonna call it?"

I smile up at her and say "Thank you, though I'm not entirely sure what to call it. I only just wrote it this morning when I couldn't sleep."

She gave me the motherly look of disappointment and worry "You need to work on your sleeping habits Blake."

I laugh sheepishly "I know but i can't help it, my mind won't shut up and shut down enough to let me sleep."

"You are gonna pass out one of these days" she shakes her head.

Her words now causing me to burst out in a fit of giggles as she smiles down at me. Our conversation is the interrupted by the bell causing us to cut our little talk short. She gets up to start teaching the class. I patiently wait for her to tell us our next project.

When she is done demonstrating the newest addition to the students knowledge, she starts to tell us what we will be doing now. "Our next project will be to write a song in pairs" I immediately tense up giving her a look of pleading, which she so rudely ignores. She continues, "Waiiiit. I'll be assigning partners" causing a groan to be released throughout the class. The sadist smirks at the disgruntled students causing me to role my eyes at her antics.

She continues to name off pairs until she gets to my name "...Blake and Andrew..." I look over to the guy I think is Andrew, who is also staring at me, and nod my head at him.

He makes his way over to me with his notebook and guitar, and takes his place in front of me sitting on the floor. "Got any ideas on what you want to do" he asks me.

I bite my lip in thought, wondering weather or not I am willing to share my ideas with this guy. With a reluctant sigh I decide to do as such "ya I've got a few."

With that I show him some ideas I have on my guitar and we discuss where to go from there. Turns out Andy, as he prefers to be called, is rather talented and into music as well. We end up actually having a lot of fun writing our song, and finish by the time the period ends; we were given a week to finish the project. As we exit the class we continue to chat on our way to our lockers which ended up not being far from each other.

"Wanna eat lunch together" he asks me. I nod and we head down to the atrium to sit on one of the benches and eat. We talk about our interests, such as gaming, music, art, etc. Turns out we like a lot of the same things, I was surprised considering how many stuck up assholes are here in the school.

After lunch ended I went to my last two classes, math, and Spanish, with a rather positive mood. I made a friend for what feels like the first time in forever, and I am not gonna lose this one. By the end of the day I met with Andy by our lockers, and we walked out of the school together. At the entrance we part ways with an exchange of goodbyes. I make my way back to miss C's home wondering when the last time I actually went to a home from school. I look down trying to hide the tears forming in my eyes. Shaking my head to clear my brain of the sad images clouding my thoughts, and plug in my headphones calming my nerves.

Silently I enter Miss C's home hoping not to be noticed, wanting no part in her 'be more lady like' lectures. To my disappointment she notices me, but to my luck what she has to say has nothing to do with her frustrating lectures "No school Friday, we are going to the social services center." I raise my eyebrow at her in quizzical surprise, wondering if she is already done with me two months in, that would be a completely new record of mine. Rolling her eyes at my expression she tells me in aggravation "for some reason someone is interested in adopting you, don't get your hopes up young lady."

I bristle at her comment glaring at her furiously, my nose and eyebrow twitching in irritation. Taking a deep breath I turn around and make my way upstairs to my room throwing my bag on the floor. Flopping on my bed i rest my arm over my eyes trying to calm myself to no success. Deep down I know she was right, even if the adoptees wanted someone my age for some reason, they would never be interested in a broken child like me. Not to mention the cherry on top of the mess that is me, I am queer beyond belief.

Ding my phone knocks me out of my darkening mind. Slowly lifting my arms off my face, I turn to look at the shitty thing with an emotionless stare. I grab it and bring it to my face checking what the notification could possibly be about.

Unknown: Hey is this Blake?

Me: Who the fuck are you?

Unknown: Right sorry! It's me Andy from class

I roll my eyes, of course it is him, I gave my number to him at lunch. I open up my contacts and add him to my sad looking contact list. The list now consists of my social worker, my current foster monster, and now Andy.

Me: Oh hey, sorry most texts I get are wrong numbers. But ya its me

Andy: No problem mate!

Me: What you up to?

Andy: Not much, just kinda lying around, how bout you?

Me: Same to be honest

Andy: Sorry got to head out, mom's birthday, family dinner

Me: No problem, have fun

Once the text is sent I just lay there thinking, it was weird for me to have someone to talk to who does not seem to want to fight me. I do not mean physically fight, more like, fight as in telling me how wrong my views are. Besides Miss Jackson, the last time someone truly listened to me was five years ago, before my life fell apart around me. Maybe I can finally have a friend again, and maybe I can keep this one. Smiling sadly at the thought, I hug myself in comfort.

With a groan I pull myself up from the bed and walk over to my previously abandoned bag on the floor. Grabbing my homework, I sit at my desk and do my best to complete said homework with the limited focus that I had left from the long day. By the time I finally finish, I have a headache and just want to sleep, but I know that my head would never let me sleep this early. Stretching as I get up I head downstairs quickly grabbing the leftover noodles and microwaving them. As the food heated I look over to the stove noticing the time being displayed is 1:00am, rolling my eyes I change my focus back to the food. With a ding I take out my noodles and cover them in butter and head up to my room to eat.

Eating the noodles I watch videos on my phone distracting myself from my world. When there  is nothing left to consume I wipe down my hands and grab my guitar strapping it to my back. Opening my window I climb onto the roof facing the forest behind the house, I continue to move till I am still on the roof but not to close to my window that I can be heard from inside. Slowly I start to strum the song 'Creep' by Radiohead. A sad longing smile makes its way onto my face as tears once again attempt to make their way onto my cheeks.

When the melody is over I move onto strumming others that just make me smile without misery. Songs that bring me joy, from bands such as Green Day, to the Misfits, to Mother Mother, to My Chemical Romance. After awhile I just sit in silence staring into the barely visible stars living in the sky above me. With a deep inhale of fresh air I check the time on my seeing that it is incredibly early and I should really get some sleep if I plan to even slightly function tomorrow, or later today in actuality.

Climbing back into my room shutting my window, I get myself ready for the night. Making sure my guitar is safe and everything is ready for when I wake up, I climb right into bed. Closing my eyes with a little more hope than usual, I feel myself fall into a wrestles slumber. Maybe things will be okay for at least a little while.


	2. Meeting The Ways

Adoption is a long process, filled with lots of paper work, background checks, and meetings. The only part the foster child has in any of this is the meetings, well some of the meetings. Though I am certain I am not the only child being interviewed by this family, as they decide which child would fit into their lives. What I am most certain about is the fact that they will not chose me, and with this thought process, it is why I put no effort into how I present myself to them.

Lets start with the most obvious thing, the mess that is called my hair. I am a very spiteful person, so when I am getting another lecture on top of the thousands I have heard before about how I need to get over this whole 'I'm a boy faze' and start acting 'like a lady,' I do not take it very well. Simply put, I had enough of Miss C's shit. So I went upstairs grabbed the scissors and walked right up to her, with my face apathetic I cut off my hair up to my chin. It was frankly quite obvious that I cut my own hair when I checked the mirror later; her face was furious, and that alone made it worth the slap I got from her..

Which brings me onto my next point of how I present myself, I put no effort in covering up the obvious hand print on my face. This greatly irked Miss C, but I could not care less. Now for my attire I just wore cargo pants, and a misfits sweater, I personally think I looked quite rad in my outfit.

Another punishment for cutting my hair was that I had to get myself to the meeting on my own, which honestly I prefer to sitting awkwardly in the car with that women. I hop down the stairs like a little kid, stomping my both my feat firmly on the ground when I get to the first floor, all just to annoy Miss C even more. By the look she gave me, I would have to say that I am succeeding in doing so.

Plugging in my headphones I leave without a single word, considering the mutual disdain we hold for each other, it is preferred on both ends. I nod my head to the beat of the music and tapping out the rhythm of the song onto my thighs with my hands. These are some of my favourite moments, when there is no one around and it is just me and my music. The bus stop is luckily not to far from Miss C's house, so it is not long before I arrive. As I wait for the bus to come my phone vibrates in my pocket.

Andy: Eh B, where are you?

I sigh remembering I had forgot to tell Andy that I would not be in school today, mostly because I no clue what to tell him. I am not ready to tell him I am in foster care, he is the first friend I have had in a long time, I in no way want him to pity me or leave me so soon. Drumming my fingers in thought I consider what I should say.

Me: Sorry forgot to tell you I had an appointment today, I should be in on Monday though

Andy: Ah makes sense

Andy: Good luck

Andy: See you Monday

Putting my phone away I turn to see the bus coming my way. I double check I have my wallet with my bus pass as the bus stops in front of me. The doors slide open and I hop on scanning my pass before heading to the far back so that no one can be behind me. Having people sit behind my makes me anxious, so sitting in the back is my best option.

I look out the window as the bus lurches forward, loosing myself in my thoughts. Andy so far has turned out to be rather nice guy, not to mention he could not care less what others thought about him, which to me is quite admirable. I learned he is in the GSA club at school, he is not LGBTQ+ but he is supportive which makes me smile. Also, I learned that our school actually has a GSA club, maybe I should pay more attention.

I still have not told him much about myself, considering it has only been roughly 4 days since we started talking. Though I believe when I am ready to tell him, he will accept me, and that is amazing to think about. Never would I have considered that I would find a friend so accepting of who I am. Can only hope that he will also accept the rest of my baggage if I ever tell him. I bite my lip at the thought.

I look to the front of the bus to see what the next stop is, and conveniently enough it is my stop. I pull the wire that informs the driver that someone is getting off at the next stop, and wait at the door. As the bus comes to a halt I open the door and step off taking in my surroundings. I had to google the route earlier considering I have not been to this place before. Walking just a few blocks away from the bus stop I come to the building the meeting will take place in.

With a deep breath I walk into the building, feeling that I might as well get it over with. The receptionist was busily typing away on her computer and taking calls making me quite nervous to get her attention. Awkwardly I stand in front of her shifting my weight waiting for to slow down and notice me for just a second. Luckily it had not taken her long to notice me. and give me a quizzical look.

"Can I help you?" she questions me. I would not say she was particularly rude about it, but she obviously was eager to get back to her work.

"My name is Lillian Harper, I have a meeting here today" I say shuffling around in a bit of nervousness.

Typing away at an experienced speed she checks her computer. Looking back at me she nods her head to the hallway to my right speaking "Room nineteen just down the hall on the left." With that she gets right back to her work taking phone calls and doing whatever she does on that computer.

Quickly I make my way down the hallway watching the numbers increase until I reach my destination, room nineteen. Steeling myself for the disappointment that always comes my way, I open the door to said room. Unsurprisingly it looked like an integration room you would see on television, minus the one way glass. Looking at the table, what I assume to be a couple sit there nervously waiting for me. They look up upon my entrance giving me a better look at their appearance.

The women was absolutely stunning, she looked like a punk goddess. She had long raven black hair that was perfectly straight and styled. Her skin was beautifully pale, and her brown eyes were gorgeous and filled with such kindness that you rarely see. To put it simply she is a beautiful women especially for seemingly in her later thirties early forties.

The man also looks to be in his early forties, one of those people that have deceivingly young faces but some how you can just tell they are older. He also held kind brown eyes full of such joy and care. His hair a chocolaty brown but you can see remnants of bleach from past dying. Makes me slightly jealous considering I have always wanted to dye my hair, but I have never had the money, or been allowed to do so in the first place. As well, he had a slight prickle of beard forming on his face. He had a certain feminine look to him but was obviously a guy, what I could only dream to look like some day.

Simply put I felt embarrassed about my horrible appearance in the presence of such beautiful people. Not to mention it only solidified my belief that they would never chose me in a million years as their child. Stealing myself I give them a small smile and sit down across the table from the nameless couple. Fumbling with the cuffs of my sweater looking at my lap I wait for them to speak.

"You must be Lillian, my name is Lindsey and this is my husband Gerard" the women kindly introduces them. I know she meant no harm by her words but it only made me flinch in discomfort to hear my birth name for the second time today. 

"You like the misfits?" Gerard says getting me to lift my head in interest as to what he has to say about them. A flash of concern crosses their faces when they see the red mark in the obvious shape of a hand upon my face.

"Ya they are amazing, punk legends" I smile awkwardly at him.

"I could not agree more" he smiles kindly at me. My eyes widen in excitement, I rarely talk to people who liked music such as the misfits, especially adults. They both chuckle at my obvious excitement. "What other interests do you have besides Misfits?" he continues to question me reminding me of the point to this meeting.

Sobering up my expression to their obvious notice and curiosity I answer "My life revolves around music I guess, I listen to it all the time. I also really love to play my guitar and draw. Umm I also really like to read, and watch lets play channels on YouTube. Not really much more to say, I'm not that interesting" I shrug finishing off my introduction. I look up to see their reaction to see them sharing a look as if they are communicating telepathically. This made me nervous waiting to see what they would say next, though I was quite sure what it would be.

Turning back to me Lindsey smiles "I would definitely say that is more than interesting, also very impressive to be so creative and passionate so young" she says making me blush.

"Th-thank you" I stutter out in response causing her to chuckle light heartily.

Her next sentence was one I had never expected to hear from any of the potential adopters "Would you be ok if we meet up again some time to get to know each other better, hopefully out of this place somewhere more fun" she asks.

I stare wide eyed at them both in complete shock that they actually are considering me, and want to get know me better. Trying to gain back any sense of composure I stutter out "I-I-I would l-lo-love to" I grin wildly.

Saying our goodbyes we parted our ways from each other, me barely being able to hold the grin that was desperately crawling onto my face. Jamming out my music in a rare good mood I make my way home, hopeful for the first time in a long time. I spent the rest of the weekend rather happy, even Miss C herself could not ruin my happiness as hard as she may have tried.

By the time Monday came around I had calmed down quite a bit, but the hope was still burning bright inside of me. Seeing Andy in front of the school I head over to him giving him a wave and smile when he notices me.

Chuckling he asks me "What's got you in such a good mood."

His question making me realize I had not told him anything about me, not really. "Well it has to do with why I was out of school on Friday, though I would have to explain some other things first" I explain. Taking a moment to consider what to do I make a decision on impulse "I'll explain it at lunch" I say. Nodding his head we continue onto our school days until we meet up again at lunch outside. 

"Ok spill what's up?" he questions.

Taking a deep breath I exhale and start my explanation "well first off, I am in the foster system."

"Shit that sucks, I used to be in the system as well. I was lucky enough to get adopted by a really nice gay couple" he sympathizes. I was not expecting that from him, there was no reason for such an assumption, but I did.

"I'm glad you're not in it any more, but you're right it sucks. Though things are looking up for me hopefully" I smile and continue "Friday I had an appointment with potential adopters. They were really nice, interested in what I had to say without any judgement, not to mention good music taste. Best part is they want to see me again" tears of joy slowly falling down my face.

Andy knocks me out of thoughts with a sudden jolt when he tackles me into a hug. "That's amazing B holy shit!" he exclaims. 

I hug him back smiling "I'm so happy, thank you." He pulls back giving me a full on grin. On impulse once again I decide to tell him my other secret "Hey Andy can I tell you something else?" I question nervously.

Raising his brow at my sudden change in mood "Ya of course, what is it?"

"Well I was born under the name Lillian Ellen Thomas, it still technically is my name." I say as a look of realization takes over his face. I continue to speak "I am a trans boy, my name is Blake Thomas."

Looking down nervously I wait for his response. Giving me a side hug "Well Blake you are a handsome guy" he chuckles causing me to fall into a fit of laughter and tears once again.

After that me and Andy were much closer, I could truly say he is my best friend and always will be at this point. I also met his parents, they are the cutest gay couple I have every met. I found myself spending allot of time at their place barely going 'home.' Meetings with the couple, that I later learned that their last name was Way, more and more. We had gone out for allot of coffee since it was a mutual adoration for the substance. Though we also went to the record store a bunch, and when the fair was in town they took me there. The fair was when I met their adorable little girl Bandit, she is an absolute angel.

To put it simply life was looking up for me, and I could not be more happy. I have a best friend who accepts me and is there for me. I have a place to go that I can hide and feel comfortable. Lastly, I have a wonderful family who wants to adopt me. I could not be happier if I tried, I am so thankful to whatever is out there that my life is for once turning out fine. I know things may not be perfect, and I still suffer from my dysphoria and get depressed and anxious, but not everything is a mess for once.

Strumming on my guitar watching the sun rise to the start of a new day, I smile slightly. Picking up my notebook writing the cords adding some lyrics in here and there. My life has a happy song to sing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here it is chapter 2, I hope you enjoyed it. I was writing this while feeling very fucking depressed, sorry if I missed some things while editing, just tell me if I did. I am quite enjoying writing this story though, I wanted to write something heart warming and hopeful.
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Love Aiden♡


	3. Hope

The last time I was hopeful I was nine years old sitting in the waiting area of the ER. Why would a nine year old kid be waiting in such a place alone? Where is said kids parents? Quite simply, they were in critical condition, rushed straight into the emergency operating room. Tears were falling down my face as I trembled not being able to contain my anxiety and worry for my parents. At the time I was convinced that they would be okay, did not change the fact that I was shaken up though. Above all I did not believe I could lose my parent, in what right mind would any nine year old believe that.

I had hope that it was going to be okay, that we would go home later and they would tuck me into bed like they always do. Never had I been more wrong, the parents that went into the operating room were not the same ones who came out. My parents were dead, my innocence crushed, everything I ever knew smashed into tiny pieces never to be recovered. So I may have hope again, but I know now to expect disappointment.

As the memories washed over me, I dug my nails into my arm out of frustration forcing me to bottle up my hope. When I finally am I able to calm myself the indents on my arm are slightly bleeding, but it felt relieving in a way. I stared at the blood flowing down my arm like drops of water the pain in my chest receding, at least momentarily. For once I did not feel weighed down and constricted, I did not feel the weight of tears threatening to flow from my eyes. Never had I been more enthralled in my life.

I was confused at how I could never have considered it before, inflicting pain onto myself to get any form of relief. Quickly looking up from my arm I roll down my sleeve and quietly make my way down the stairs in hop that the monster stays asleep. Lightly stepping my feet one at a time onto the bathroom floor I end up in front of the counter. Bending down I open the cupboard searching for the extra razor blades. Finding the package filled with the blades I take one out and easily take it apart leaving me with three blades.

Tossing the casing in the trash I take my new found friends to my room. Still trying to keep quiet I discretely look for a small box or bag to hold them. After some time searching my closet I find an old mini cosmetic bag, or now that will have to work. Placing the first two in I take the last blade up to my inner forearm. My hands shake slightly knowing I should not do this, but my need for release overtakes my fears, and I lower the blade to my arm making a pattern of bloody lines until some sort of satisfaction can be felt.

Before the blood could stain anything, not wanting any evidence of the event, I wipe away the blood with a tissue until it stops flowing. Satisfied with the stinging pain I make myself comfortable in my bed seeing as it is four in the morning. As sleep starts to take me away, a shred of guilt starts to form in the pit of my stomach, but I am out before I can begin to process it.

By the time morning light comes around, and I have made my way to school, I know how much I have fucked up. The pain constantly reminding throughout the day what hides behind my sleeve, never letting me forget. When lunch time rolls around seeing Andy the guilt is bursting out of me.

"I fucked up..."

Andy gives me a quizzical look as I fall onto my back lying on the grass with my arm resting atop my eyes. Taking a deep breath I continue "I let my thoughts get the best of me, my anxiety got to much. At first it was an accident, but after it happened I wanted to do it again."

A look of worry and a look of resignation befalls his face as he asks "...What did you do B?"

Slowly sitting up I uncover my arm, and hesitantly show it too him as I continue "I hurt myself."

For a moment he just stares at the marks left on my arm. Breaking from his trance he pulls me into a hug as tears escape me. We stay there like this for what seemed like forever, me laying on him crying as he held me. When the moment ended he asks me "has this happened before?" I shake my head no in response before he continues with hope in his voice "then promise me it'll be your last." Nodding my head slowly making him smile brightly at me. Our conversation flows into music as it is a common topic for us to discuss. The feeling of guilt now lifted from my stomach, I could finally relax again.

When the bell rang for us to go to class, we split ways and continued on with the school day. Sadly after school I had to go back to Miss C's considering my social worker was checking up on me today. Walking into the house I see Sarah; unlike the stereotypical social worker, she is a nice person who cares about the kids she works with. She is sitting on my couch talking to Miss C, who is all smiles and just the image of angelic. As I close the door their conversation comes to a halt and attention turned towards me.

I smile at Sarah and greet her "Hey Sarah."

She stands up with a grin greeting me "Blake I love the hair! How are you?" I can see Miss C roll her eyes in disdain behind her at the mention of my name and my hair.

"I'm good thanks for asking" I respond.

"I'm glad to hear that" she says while giving me a hug.

We go through the regular questions, and I answer like everything is perfect as per usual. When she leaves with a hug and a goodbye Miss C turns to me with a scowl. She was always peeved after the check ups from Sarah, considering she had to pretend to like me. So I knew I was going to be getting some sort of lecture, a bit of verbal abuse, and a few slaps to top it all off; oh how I love the monster.

"You useless little shit" she seethes. Her anger boiling up more she continue "going around telling people that you are a man, how can people believe such crap! If it wasn't for the money I get out of this, I would never put up with your shit." She grabs me by the ear and pulls at my hair, which in all honest is quite painful.

"Not to mention that stunt you pulled with the hair. You disgust me! I don't know why that couple keep seeing you at this point, your such a fucking disappointment" she continues her rant. I could not help but think that right now, she is the disgusting disappointment. At this point though my mind starts leaving the conversation retreating into my thoughts.

That is until she slaps me hard across the face screaming at me "ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING!" This jolts me back to reality.

She throws me hard into the wall behind me, causing my head to be collide painfully against it before bouncing back with the motion. She says one last thing before leaving "You can't even listen properly, no one will ever want you."

I sit there stunned, I may no the routine but that does not mean I am at all used to it. Her words cut deep, especially the last ones 'no one will ever want you'. They echo through me like a poison taking affect, for she had hit a nerve, my biggest fear. I am terrified of being alone forever, of not being good enough for anyone, to be unloved.

Feeling myself start to shake I run as fast as my legs will let me to my room collapsing as soon as the door slams shut. Curling up into a shaking ball of misery I cry, harder than I cried the night before. All I wanted was to hurt myself, but I had promised Andy, and I am not one to break promises. After I calm myself enough to function slightly I grab my guitar, my hand still shaking I start to strum the familiar cords of creep, as the song goes by I slowly shake less the song becoming clearer.

When I finish the song I start to strum something new, lyrics coming to me easily. The song expressed my fear, my anxiety, all the emotions I felt towards those words. It was incredibly therapeutic, music is my medication and always will be. I end up spending the rest of the night working on the new song, happy something creative came out of my misery.

I woke up early the next day even though it was a Saturday, I was meeting up with the Ways again. Honestly I was excited to see them, it had been a bit of a wait since I last saw them. We were meeting up at a Starbucks, which I was excited about considering I am a coffee addict. Getting ready for the day I threw on my fishnet top with my red shirt over it, and some black ripped skinny jeans. Before walking out the door I threw on my fake combat boots, and I made my way to meet up with them.

I saw the both of them waiting for me just outside the store looking around occasionally while they chat. Walking up to them they both smile upon noticing me, giving me a hug for greeting. My mood was good before seeing them, but being in their presence improved it even more. We make our orders and they both insist on paying for me, not that I could pay even if I persisted.

As we sit down I ask "So what are we doing today?"

They give me the biggest grin I have ever seen and Lindsey says "Well we have something to tell you first."

I nod my head slowly waiting for them to continue. Looking at each other in excitement before turning back to me Gerard says "we finished the paper work and... now we get to foster you for the next few months before we can officially adopt you!"

It was a good thing I had not taken a sip of coffee then, because I would have spat it right back out at them. I was in pure shocked staring at them in bewilderment, not being able to fully processed what they said. Someone wanted to adopt me, they chose to adopt me, someone wants me in their life. Moments of silence past as they waited for me to process the situation.

"You want to adopt me" I say slowly.

They both grin nodding their heads, and I burst into tears right there and then. A look of worry passes over their faces when I do but I smile up at them, they understand and smile sweetly at me. We all get up and hug, I was so happy yet in utter disbelief that this was happening. I could not care less about the stares we were getting from those around us, because I never thought this would happen, I gave up.

Pulling back from the group hug we sit down again and Gerard tells me "Today we are going to go out and pick out some paint and furniture for your new room. Does that sound good?"

"Yes! I mean ya that sounds great" I grin at them.

We spent the rest of the day animatedly talking about the future as we went from store to store. I ended up choosing a light grey paint for my wall, with dark wood furniture. Knowing I like music they took me to a record store to pick out some CDs I like, I also got to pick out a bunch of band posters. They took me to to some random stores to get some things to decorate my room with. All in all it was an amazing day, it was the best moment of my life, I could not be more ecstatic.

Saying our fare wells, excited to see each other this coming Monday, we went our separate ways. Barely a feet away from them I text Andy.

Me: IM GETTING ADOPTED MOTHER FUCKER!!!!!!!!!!!!

Andy: OMG THATS AMAZING!!!!!!!!

Walking through the door with a grin on my face for the first time I go straight to my room. Immediately I start to pack my things, though there was not much to begin with. I fell asleep without a problem that night for the first time in a long time. Sunday was spent packing and then hanging out with Andy and his dads. By the time Monday rolled around I was bouncing on my bed excitedly waiting for the Ways to pick me up so I could leave the monster once and for all. When the door bell rang I ran downstairs, I ran towards my future, I ran towards change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this chapter! I hope you have enjoyed it so far, I know I have enjoyed writing it. I'm very excited for you to see what I have planned for the future. Sorry that this one was a bit shorter, next one should be longer.
> 
> Love Aiden♡


	4. New Beginnings

The house was huge, I never imagined living in such a huge place, but here I am. Stepping out of the car I stared in aw. Suddenly the door burst open revealing an excited Bandit rushing towards me as fast as her little legs will let her. Slowly behind her a tall blonde man followed her towards the car with a clam but stoic face.

"Lily!" she yells barreling into my arms causing me to stumble backwards slightly.

"Hey Bandit" I smile at her hugging her tightly.

"You're gonna be living with us now" the little seven year old exclaims excitedly.

I chuckle and answer her "I am."

I looked up to see the tall man had now made his way over to us. "Hey I'm Mikey, your new uncle" he smiles slightly but kindly.

"Hi I'm Lillian" I smile at him with bandit still in my arms.

"Well lets get you settled in, and then we'll give you the tour of casa el Way" Gerard says dramatically carrying one of my bags along with my guitar on his back.

My eyes widen and exclaim "ahh please be careful with my girl!" Everyone gives me a confused and weird look so I explain blushing "I meant my guitar."

They all laughs at that, then we make our way inside. The house seemed just as large from the inside as it was outside. We walk downstairs where my room apparently is, not that I am complaining, means I can play my guitar as late as I want. It was spacious, and all my furniture was set up already, along with all my posters and decorations. Putting my bags down we walk back upstairs to begin the tour.

The house was beautiful and just like my room generally spacious. Bandit was extremely excited to show me her room, which had a whole pink rock princess theme going on; I was not surprised in the least. Gerard and Lindsey both had their own studios that are off limits to Bandit and I. Then there was the living room that was massive, not to mention the comfy couches and gaming set up, it was heaven. Outside they had a pool, which is amazing considering I love to swim. My favourite part of all would be the music room. Guitars and bases covered the walls, and their was a recording booth connected to the room which had a mic and drum set up already.

"You guys never told me you played" I said in awe.

"Well you never told us you play" Gerard replies full of sass causing us all to laugh.

"We are both musician who played for separate bands" Lindsey tells me.

"Really! That's amazing, what were the bands called?" I ask.

"My band was My Chemical Romance, which Mikey was also in" Gerard tells me causing my eyes to widen.

"I was in Mindless Self Indulgence" Lindsey says making my eyes to widen even more.

"I love both of those bands, I'm not one to know the people, I just listen tot the music" I excitedly say before becoming sheepish.

"That's fine Lil, I'm glad you enjoy our music" Lindsey smiles at me.

While Lindsey and Gerard made lunch, and Bandit went to play, Mikey and I sat down to get to know each other. I was a bit nervous considering he was a new person, and people make me anxious, especially if I do not know them. Shifting uncomfortably on the couch in silence I wait for somebody to say something.

"Obviously you like music but what else are you into?" he asks me.

Looking up from my lap I answer him "I really like to draw."

He smiles slightly "No wonder you get along with them, your just a creative girl aren't ya?"

I flinch at the term girl but smile as best I can knowing he meant no harm. "I guess so, my life revolves around the arts it feels like."

He chuckles "I get that" he says ruffling my hair. I giggle and try to swat his hand away.

"Lunch is ready" Gerard tells us smiling at our antics.

Walking into the dining area we all take our seats round the table. They had made grilled cheese which I did not mind at all, cheese and bread, there is nothing wrong with that. We talked happily while we ate, it was really nice. I can not remember the last time I sat at a family meal, or being this content. I look down slightly and smile to myself, looking up I can see Lindsey smiling at me.

Mikey and I put the dishes away since Gerard and Lindsey made lunch. Afterwards Lindsey and I go downstairs to unpack my belongings. It was nice nice hanging out just the two of us considering all the other times I have seen her it was also with Gerard. Not that I do not like him, I just never had one on one time with Lindsey before.

"You don't have a lot of clothes, we'll need to take you out to get some" she says.

"You don't have to do that, you've already spent way to much money on me" I insist.

"Nonsense, think of it as us catching up on the years we haven't spent money on you. Plus you need clothes" she ruffles my hair with a chuckle.

"Fine but at least can we look in a thrift store" I negotiate.

Laughing she says "I see you're not gonna back down from this." I nod my head and she continues "Fine we'll go to a thrift store."

We continue to unpack, which does not take long considering I do not own a lot. Lindsey gave me a extra guitar stand for my baby girl. Setting her up I smile at her beauty now on display. Returning upstairs Bandit asked me to play with her which I of course agreed. Bandit is the most adorable little girl I have ever met, it was astonishing how happy and innocent she is. Her purity makes me want to protect her, kinda like an older brother. I chuckle at the thought of already considering her my sister but frown when I realize they still do not know my gender. They are very nice and accepting, but I have no clue what their views on transsexual people.

I distracted myself with playing with Bandit, trying not to get lost in my depressing thoughts. She seemed to love her monster high dolls, it was the edgy side of childhood, adorable to be honest. We played for what seemed to be an hour, Bandit seemed to have the time of her life, it was wonderful. Our playtime was cut short when Lindsey came in to take me out shopping for new clothes. While driving in the car on our way to the thrift store I get a text from Andy.

Andy: How's it going with the new fam?

Me: Amazing, it's better than I could have ever imagined!

Andy: That's awesome, I'm happy for you!

Me: Thanks A ^ ^

Andy: No problem B ^ ^

"We will also get you a new phone" Lindsey says.

My head whips up and I protest "You don't have to do that!"

"Nonsense, your phone looks like it'll die any day now" she grins.

I sigh in defeat which she grins even bigger at. Arriving at the thrift store we head in and start to look around. Picking out a bunch of black jeans, some ripped, some not. The shirts I chose were pretty awesome, some were very gypsy like, some were very punk, some were very emo. Shockingly I found some real combat boots which I immediately picked up, and Lindsey found me an awesome leather jacket. I found some awesome jackets, I felt like a pirate in some of them. Lindsey also found me a really cool hat that added to the pirate aesthetic, and I found a rad top hat. She tried to get me a skirt but I told her it was not my thing, luckily she was not bothered by it. Thrift stores are honestly the best place to find clothes, and it is incredibly cheap.

After Lindsey paid for everything, which I continuously thanked her for, we quickly stopped by the apple store picking up the latest IPhone. Again I thanked her a million time, she continued to tell me it was fine. When I thought we were going to head home she made one more stop at a music store causing me to give her a look of 'don't spend any more money on me.' She just grins mischievously at me and we head inside.

"Take your pick of any guitar you would like" she says happily.

I roll my eyes with a smile and look through the guitars. They were all incredibly beautiful, it was hard to find the one that stood out to me though. Then i found it, the most beautiful electric guitar I have ever laid my eyes on. She was a pastel green with a white design dancing across her, she was perfect. Picking her up I played out one of my melodies getting a feel of her, without my notice someone plugged her into an amp causing my music to be heard throughout the store.

"What song is that, it's beautiful" Lindsey asks me when i finish.

I blush at her compliment and answer sheepishly "I-I actually wrote it myself."

She beamed at me "You've got some talent kid."

I smile at her in appreciation before noticing the amp and guitar strap in her hand. Rolling my eyes in fondness at her, at this point getting used to her insistence of buying me things. We make our way to the front and Lindsey pays for everything refusing to let me hear or see the price of everything. My guitar is given a case, the strap is put in there for now as well, which I put onto my back, while Lindsey carries my a new amp.

We had to make a few trips to bring everything inside, but all in all it was a fun trip. Lindsey helped me carry everything downstairs, and put away all my clothes. She ran up to grab another guitar stand so i could display her next to my first baby girl. Flopping down onto my bed with a tired but content sigh we laugh.

"Thank you for all of this Lindsey" I say.

"It's no problem, you're our daughter, we want to spoil you" she says sweetly. I blush at her words ignoring the awful term, and gave her a big hug causing her to chuckle fondly.

We meet Gerard and Bandit at the dining room table for dinner. Gerard informs us that Mikey went home to see his wife, which we nod in acknowledgment at. After dinner Lindsey and I put the dishes away before we all say goodnight. I head down to my room and plug in my new baby and start practicing songs I have written with her, hearing them in a differently, but yet still sounding amazing. Singing along to the rhythm I dance around the room putting on a show just for me. When i finish my current song i hear clapping coming from the stairs.

"That was amazing, Lindsey said you wrote your own melodies, didn't know you could also write lyrics and sing" I hear Gerard say as he walks into my room with a smile.

"I'm not good at all but thank you" I reply slightly embarrassed that he heard me singing.

"Don't kid yourself, you got some real talent there" he grins at me. He gives me a hug when I put my baby down safely. We sit on my bed and continue to talk for roughly and hour, it was nice. Our conversations flowed from music, to art, to books, to comics, he was so easy to talk too.

"So what do you wanna be when you grow up?" he asks me.

I blush and nervously wait a second before answering "I want to be in a band."

He smiles at me "You definitely have the talent to do so, if you ever want any advice or help come to me or Lindsey, we will always be willing to help."

I grin at him "Thank you!"

"No problem kid, now you should get some sleep. See you in the morning" He says before kissing my forehead.

I smile to myself wondering how I got so lucky, I did not deserve such an amazing family like this. No matter what I will make sure I am the best child they could ask for, they deserve better than me, so I will be the best I can. Clenching my fist in frustration at myself before breathing slowly in attempt to calm myself. Picking up my baby again, I continue to practice my songs on her, seeing how they sound electric compared to acoustic.

"I'll call you Felix, which means happy in Latin" I say to my baby. I smile at the thought, because I am happy here, this is my new beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter four done! Blake is finally living with the Ways! I hope that did not take to long for your liking, I really wanted to set up the character and story before hand. My goal is to get these out weekly now, though I finished this one the next day I am waiting to post it. I hope you have enjoyed the story so far, I know I love writing it.
> 
> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Love Aiden♡


	5. School Sucks | Fantastic Friends

I have been with the Way family for roughly a week now, it has been wonderful, and I could not ask for a better foster family if I wanted to. Sadly now I have to go back to school, because it is the law, or something like that. This is why now I am at the front desk of my new school getting my schedule for my time in hell. Luckily they did not leave me to find my way on my own, they called down someone to show me around. Unluckily I had to talk to someone for a period of time.

"Hello my name is Casey! I'll show you around" a girl with long blonde hair greets me. She looks like the honor role, student council president type. There is nothing wrong with that, just not my type of people.

"I'm Lil" I introduce myself fiddling with the cuffs of my striped sleeves.

She continues to show me around pointing out what different rooms are. Looking over my class schedule she shows me where each class is before asking me if I have any questions. Which I quickly deny as I do not want to talk any longer. Leaving me as the bell rings I walk over to where my first period class English is, thank gods for my good sense of direction. I make my way to the back of the room sitting in the corner away from everyone else.

"Hey I'm Jasper" a boy sits beside me with a smile. His hair was black with a slight fringe, and was incredibly pale. His eyes were a beautiful hazel, that seemed incredibly green, and wore what people consider guyliner with a beautiful smile. He did not have a particularity masculine build but he could not be mistaken for a girl. I knew I would get along with him, especially when I saw his Green Day shirt he was wearing along with ripped black skinny jeans.

"I'm Lil" I introduce myself for the third time today.

We ended up talking throughout the rest of class. I learned that he played bass and had a weird addiction to nutella, but who am I to judge with my addiction to coffee. Also, I learned that he is sixteen because he got held back a year for not showing up last year, he did not tell me why that is though. He had me show him my time table which it turns out besides English, we have music together along with one of his other friends. Apparently I also share art with another of his friends along with spare with all of them.

The bell rang and we went to music where he introduced me to his friend Rachel who prefers to go by Rae. She plays drums, and she played for me and to be honest, she is amazing at them. Music so far is my favourite class, the teacher is really laid back, but cares about music. When lunch rolled around I sat with Jasper and Rae waiting for their other friends. We did not have to wait long before two others came over.

"Lil this is Kyle and Jane, Kyle, Jane this is Lil, they're new" Jasper introduces us. I wave awkwardly at the two. Turns out Kyle also plays guitar, so we bonded over that. Jane is the one who shares art class with me, and let me say she is a fantastic artist. Lunch was amazing until some asshole decided to come over and spill his food all over Jasper.

"Fag!" they tease him.

"What the fuck dude!" I yell at the pricks.

"Don't you know, this boy is a cock sucking faggot. Better run before you start feeling the hots for girls" he mocks.

I slap him and the cafeteria is deathly silent causing the sound to echo. "You homophobic prick! FUCK OFF!" I yell at him seething in my anger.

"Break it up you two!" a teacher separates us before taking all three of us to the office.

I put my head in my hands and grumble "Fuck, I've fucked up. They are gonna send me back into foster care, how could I be so stupid."

Jasper rubs my back trying to comfort me "hey it's going to be okay, you stood up for me. I'll talk to your parents make sure they understand the situation, I won't let that happen to you."

I smile sadly at him "thank you."

Then Gerard walks in looking at me with disappointment, causing me to curl up into myself in shame. Before he can say anything we are all called into the principles office to discuss the event. I awkwardly fiddle my fingers sitting in the chair waiting for anybody to start talking. Surprisingly it is Jasper who speaks first.

"Don't punish Lil, she was only standing up for me" he says.

The principle sighs "that may be so, but she should not have acted out in violence. Since it is your first day you're only being left with a warning, but you are being watched. If another incident like this one occurs, you will be punished, am I clear?" I nod my head and he looks over at the other boy "as for you Mr.Jones, this is not the first time I have had you in here for your behavior, or the second. You will be suspended for your actions for three days, I'll leave the rest of the punishment up to your parents" he says looking up at the boys father by the end, who nods in agreement.

"You are all dismissed for the rest of the day, please stay out of trouble, all of you." He finishes off.

After getting my things I walk outside to be stopped by Jasper "Thank you, it means a lot to me for you to do that."

"It's no problem, fuck I know I've heard my fare share of bigoted assholes words" I smile at him.

"Ya... By the way, is that really your dad?" he asks.

"Foster dad, but yes my dad" i answer.

"That's awesome! I'm a huge fan of his!" He exclaims causing me to laugh good heartily.

"Anyways I'll see you tomorrow right?" he asks.

I nod my head causing him to smile. We make our way towards the parking lot where Gerard is waiting for me along with his mother. Parting ways, we say our goodbyes heading towards our parents. Anxiety started getting to me as I made my way to Gerard's car, slowly I stepped inside. Anxiously I wait in silence waiting for him to say anything, hoping he does not get rid of me.

"You did good standing up for him" he says. My eyes widen in surprise before he continues "though slapping the other guy was not something you should do, I'll let it go if you promise not to do it again" he sternly says.

"Of course I promise! But you're not mad?" I question confused.

"Homophobia is gay" he chuckles.

I burst into a fit of laughter at that, which he soon joins in on. Tears start rolling down my face in utter relief. Gerard looks at me in worry, he also looks slightly panicked as he looks back and forth between me and the road.

"What's wrong?" He questions.

"You're not getting rid of me" I say smiling.

A look of understanding crosses his face "we would never get rid of you, we might get mad or disappointed but you are still our daughter" he says softly. I cringe at the term daughter but do my best to ignore it

"Thank you" I say.

"No problem" he says as he awkwardly gives me a side hug even though he is driving.

Lindsey was waiting for us at the door, with a hand on her hip and an expectant eyebrow raised. Gerard explained the whole situation to her, she looked like she was trying not to burst out laughing. Not being able to contain it anymore she became a laughing mess, we joined in soon after. 

That night lying in my bed staring at the ceiling I could not help but smile knowing I have a family who cares and wants me. I do not think I will be coming out to them any time soon, it is very different coming out to a friend, compared to coming out to your family. Hopefully when I am ready they will accept me, I can only hope. My circling thoughts increasingly growing darker, I grab my notebook and guitar. 

Writing my thoughts out hoping to brighten the darkness. Strumming out my heart out hoping to cure the ache. I love music with all of my soul, but sometimes it is not enough for me. My brain becoming a war of thoughts, weather to hurt myself, or to keep my promise. Tears running down my face as I start to panic, breaths becoming rapid because of the lack of air. Shaking takes over me as I curl up into a ball, everything getting worse.

I am terrified and unsure of what is happening, feeling like I am going to die here and now. Not being able to call for help, I suffer alone and scared. Knocking can be heard from the door to my room, but I am unable to respond. The knocks continue waiting for an answer that never comes. Creaking open someone walks in slowly making their way down the stairs.

"Lil?" I hear Gerard calmly ask. Appearing from behind the wall of the stairs he sees me and rushes over in a panic. "Shh, it's ok, you're safe. Everything is all right, just try and breath for me, deep breaths, in, out, in, out, in out" he continues to talk like this, working on calming me down. He does not touch me which I am thankful for, just waits and speaks calming words.

As the panic comes to an end he pulls me into him giving me a massive hug. We sit in silence letting our heartbeats calm down from the moment. Gerard gently pets my head in an attempt to sooth me, which honestly helps. 

After a while I break the silence "I'm sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry for, don't apologize" he softly tells me. "What brought this on?" he questions.

"I-I don't know. I kind of just started panicking out of no where, my thoughts spiraling deeper and deeper" I choke out.

"Has this happened before?" he asks. I shake my head signaling no and he continues "if it happens again, don't be afraid to tell me ok?" I nod my head in agreement which causes a soft smile to take place on his face.

"Wh-what happened?" I ask.

A look of understanding passes over his face before he answers "you had what's called a panic attack." I nod my head slowly feeling absolutely exhausted, to which Gerard notices. Picking me up from the floor that I had ended up on without my notice. He places me under the covers of my bed before kissing my forehead goodnight. Darkness took over me the fastest it has in a while, it was nice.

The next morning I got up feeling better than the night before, though looking in the mirror I still looked like a mess. Putting on some make up to cover the red of my eyes along with the tear stains. Throwing on my clothes I make my way up the stairs to the main floor. Opening the door I am immediately hit by the morning light, to which I hiss at.

A feminine chuckle can be heard "Welcome to the waking world little vampire."

Tiredly I stick my tongue out at Lindsey in retaliation. Dragging myself over to the kitchen I make myself a pop-tart for breakfast. Nibbling away at the sweet treat, I sit on the stool at the kitchen counter. Gerard walks in and starts to make a pot of coffee, not acknowledging anyone else. Pretty typical of Gerard, no human interaction before coffee, though I am not that much better. When the coffee is done he pours three mugs, handing one to Lindsey and I.

"Not a very healthy breakfast" he comments on my pop-tart.

"It's all part of a balanced breakfast" I quote. The silence takes over again, leaving us all comfortably waking up. That is until Bandit skips into the kitchen wide awake.

"Morning!" she squeals.

"Morning B" Gerard tiredly smiles at her.

"Hey little B" I hug her with my free arm not taken up by a pop-tart.

Lindsey fixes Bandit up some cereal which she happily eats. I can not remember seeing a child as happy as she is. It is quite heart warming to be honest, she makes the world seem brighter than it is. Everyone needs someone like Bandit in their life, I smile at the thought as I watch her talk about what she is going to do today.

Again Gerard drive me to school while Lindsey drove Bandit. Stopping in front of the school he gives me a side hug and a good luck. Smile on my face I exit the car and walk over to where I see my new friends standing by a tree. Jasper is the first to notice me, waving at me like a mad man with a grin causing me to chuckle at his childishness.

Walking up to the group I greet them "hey guys."

Receiving a mix of greetings from the others they continue their conversation. I add my own remark in there every once in a while, just enjoying being in a friend group for once. Lost in my thoughts I do not notice Jasper make his way over to me, surprising me when he knocks our shoulders together. It must have been incredibly awkward considering I am short compared to his 6'1". Not to mention I am small compared to most people in general.

"How'd it go?" he asks.

"Huh?" I question what he means.

"With your foster dad" he explains.

"Ohhh" I say in realization before continuing "It went well, he was proud that I stood up for you, but not that I did so in violence. Made me promise not to deal with my problems physically next time" I chuckle.

"That's good" he says.

"How did your parents take it?" I ask him.

"Oh they couldn't care less" he shrugs as if that is normal. I stare at him in worry, but he shrugs off my look walking away avoiding my questions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That my friends is chapter 5! This chapter was just supposed to introduce you to the new characters and the type of school Blake attends. It was also to give you a further understanding of his mental state and how he thinks. Also to write out Gerard being a wonderful father, because he is.
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Happy Ieroween!
> 
> Love Aiden♡


	6. Brain Stew

It has been about a week since I started at my new school, the school its self is pretty bad, but the people I surround myself with are amazing. Kyle could be a bit judgmental at times, but we all know he means no harm by it. Jane is a sweetheart, she is such a shy girl until you get to know her, she will go on and on about art. Rae is just energetic about everything, and has a lot of opinions, she can really take out her emotions on the drums.

Lastly Jasper, I have paid a lot of attention to him after our conversation last week. Watching to see if he is okay, if his life is okay at home, but it can be hard to tell. I could not tell you why I have become so attached to him so fast, and it is not in the same way Andy and I bonded. The situation being new to me, it in all honesty terrified me. That does not mean I will throw my friendship away just because I am scared, I refuse to be that kind of person.

"Lil! Hey Lil!" interrupts Jane.

"Ya?" I ask her kind of dazed after being so lost in my thoughts.

"Art supplies, art assignment" she says.

Blinking a couple of times while I process the information I reply "Oh ya right, well lets go get that shit."

She laughs "I already got the supplies, no need to worry."

I smile apologetically at her "Thanks. So do you have any idea of what you want to do for the assignment?"

"Well it is something that is supposed to inspire us right? Well I know for me personally besides art, music inspires me." she replies.

I grin in excitement "Yes! Lets do it!"

Chuckling she smiles handing me the other headphone to her music she was already listening to. That was something we could relate on, using music as a comping mechanism throughout the day. Not to mention the shared taste in music we have. We ended up basing our painting off of Green Day songs such as 'Wake Me Up When September Ends,' and 'Still Breathing.' We made a playlist of all the songs we chose and listened to it on repeat painting together as we went. The painting took us roughly three days to make considering the size; it was an abstract peace that clashed our two styles together, and it looked amazing.

"I have to say I'm really proud of this" I say to Jane smiling.

"Me too!" she grins.

Handing in our art piece to the teacher, we made our way to our lockers to pick up our things before meeting the others at the front of the school. I loved hanging out with Jane, considering she is such a sweetheart, and is incredibly easy to talk too. As we were talking the bell rang, and Kyle was the first to come out and meet us. I did not have anything against Kyle but he made me slightly uncomfortable, so I avoid being around him one on one. Luckily I would always have Jane with me after art when we all meet up for our spare.

"WHAT IS UP MY HOES!" Ra exclaims dramatically soon after Kyle joins us. We all laugh at her usual antics as Jasper walks behind her shaking his head.

"Since the we got the gang together, lets goooooo" Jasper says smirking at his two references. We all roll our eyes with a smile at him.

As per usual we went to Rae's house to Jam, I ended up leaving Felix at there for convenience. We loved to play songs and sometimes one of us will start with something and the rest will figure out what works with what the other started. Jane would sit on the couch listening to us play while she drew, sometimes she would draw these really cool peaces of us playing.

Since Jane and I were in a Green Day mood we convinced the others to play to dumb to die. I got really into the song not realizing I began to sing my lungs out, jumping around with such glee. Everyone else had stopped playing just to listen, but I was to consumed in the moment to notice. When the song ended I was confused why everyone was staring at me in shock.

"What? What did I do?" I ask befuddled.

Rae squeals jumping up from her drums tackling me in a hug "You have such a pretty voice holy shit! Fucker why didn't you tell us you could sing!"

Losing my balance from the momentum of the hug, I land on the floor "because I can't sing?"

Jasper playfully hits the back of the head "Fucking idiot, you have the voice of an Angel."

"He's right" adds Jane as Kyle nods in agreement.

"Know what this means!" Ray yells.

"Um, no?" I answer in confusion.

"We can finally start the band!" She yells in my face as if it is obvious.

All our eyes widen in realization as a grin spreads across our faces. The four of us all share the same dream, and it was beginning to become true. Jasper and I shared our personal works with the others trying out different melodies, rhythms, and beats, changing things as we went. Seeing how our music sounded with other instruments, it was exciting. All of us were ecstatic and determined to do this, we know it will take a while to get the music right, but at this point we knew how to work with each other. I may have been new but it felt natural playing with everyone.

When we sat down for a little break we started passing around ideas for band names. Jane would show us sketch ideas for album covers. They were all pretty awesome, but she wanted to draw the actual album cover one day, to which we all agreed. All of us would be apart of the band in some way, we were ecstatic.

"How about Universe 25" I suggest. They all give me confused looks so I continue while pulling something up on my phone to help explain "it was an experiment with a quote on quote Utopian rat world, where they everything they needed. The experiment had a lot of similarities to civilization now." I show them an article that explains the experiment in further detail. Kyle was not very fond of the name but went along with it as the others were excited about it.

The others slowly left as they had to go do other things, leaving just Rae and I. She invited me up to her room to which we just hung out. We had never gotten the chance to hang out one on one so it was nice. I learned that she was a gaming fanatic, which was not much of a surprise considering the amount of video game related shirts she owns. Pulling out a game called Skyrim, she taught me how to play it. We ended up having a lot of fun as we made choices based on what the character would and would not do. Lets just say our character was of thief class and ended up joining the black brotherhood, not really a good person.

"Hey Rae?" I ask her.

"Ya?" she says mindlessly as it was her turn playing.

Hesitantly I question "Am I really good enough to be the singer of the group. I know I'm confident enough to play guitar, but I'm nervous about my voice."

She pauses the game placing the controller on the ground in front of her. Turning to me she gives her full attention and answers "Listen Lil, you have a wonderful voice. We're not pressuring you to do anything you don't want to do, but understand that you have a talent."

Tears slowly start to fall down my face as I engulf her in a hug. She chuckles and hugs me back slowly stroking my back comfort. We stay like for a little bit before going back to playing our game. I ended up having dinner with her, her family was not really around. After we ate, we said our goodbyes and I made my way home. Walking through the door I see Lindsey standing there with her arms crossed, and a frown on her face. Immediately I start to panic shaking slightly, thinking that I messed up and that they are gonna send me back.

"Where were you that you could not message any of us?" she questions sternly.

"I-I-I" I start to hyperventilate. Immediately Lindsey's expression softens and she pulls me into a hug shushing me.

"It's okay just breath, I just wanted to know where you were, I was worried something happened to you" she calmly explains stroking my hair.

Collecting myself I answer "I was hanging out with Rae, and got distracted. I'm really sorry, please don't send me back" I finish pleading at the end.

"I know Gerard has told you this, and I will too. We will never and I mean never send you away. You are a part of this family, and we may get mad or upset, but we still love you. It will take a while for you to understand that, I know, but we won't stop telling you until you do" she promises.

Tears start to pour down my face in happiness as I hug her back as tightly as I can. We stay like this for what feels like hours, but was only minutes. With a kiss on my forehead she sends me to bed where I again have a good nights sleep, which is a weird thing to get used to. I fall asleep knowing I have an amazing mother, and I could never ask for anything more than that.

The next day most of the group was away on some field trip, so it was just me and Jasper. During music and lunch we spent our time working on music together, giving criticism on the others work where needed. We ended up picking which songs we thought would work best with all of us, and for the genres we seem to always fall into, rock, punk, emo. Since our notebooks had years of songs to go through, we had many we had not gotten to, but will in the future. When spare rolled around, we decided to go to hi place which was rather large, but not ridiculously so. Our conversations drifted from subject to subject, it was rather relaxed.

"Hey Jasper?" I ask.

"Ya?"

"Where are your parents" I question.

His face becomes somber at the question before he answers "They're to busy to care." I give him a worried look as he continues "We never really got along, any of us really. Father would fight with mother, I'd fight with him. And umm, well you see the people at school are right."

"About?" I ask pleading him to continue and explain.

"I'm a faggot!" he exclaims.

"You're gay, not a faggot" I say sternly.

He smiles at me before continuing the topic before hand "I came out to my parents, mother could not care less, she did not really want to have me in the first place. Father on the other hand was livid, refused to consider me his son. So he started never being home, always working he'd say. Soon mother found out he was cheating, fucking random girls he'd meet at work, at bars, wherever there was a female to fuck, he did. Mother soon left, done with having anything to do with the two of us, and he continued to fuck away. I don't remember the last time I saw him. The only thing telling me he is still alive is the fact that the bills are getting payed."

"I'm sorry" I say as I hug him in hopes to give some form of comfort.

"Thank you" he replies.

"Is that why you used to skip a lot?" I ask hesitantly.

"Ya, that and the fact that I had fallen into drugs" he answers seriously causing me to hug him tighter to tell him that it is okay.

"You wanna know something" I say determined to tell him he is not alone. Shrugging his shoulders he listens to what I say next "I'm trans, and the amount of foster homes I have been in that don't take kindly to it is incredible. I'm not trying to one up you or something, but I want you to know I understand."

As droplets of tears hit my sleeves he chokes out "Thank you."

"No problem, what are friends for" I smile at him reassuringly.

When he has calmed down and back to himself once again he asks "If you don't mind me asking, what do you prefer to be called. I'm gonna assume I should not say it in front of anyone else, but when it is just us?"

"Blake" I say smiling at his acceptance.

"Hi Blake I'm Jasper, it is a honour to meet such a handsome guy" he smiles back.

I blush profusely stuttering out "he-hey Jasper I'm Blake, n-nice to meet y-you too."

He chuckles at my face messing up my hair in affection. After that our conversations continue like they did before. Except there was something different about it now, like it was a mutual trust in the air, like we could say anything. We were closer then we were before, and I felt extremely happy talking to him. It was a bit strange considering Andy and I's conversations did not have nearly this much of a deference afterwards, it confused me. I decided to ask Andy what he thought about the situation later.

Me: Soooooo, I need immediate help. It is of utter importance!!!

Andy: Ok???

Me: I had a heart to heart with one of my new friends, and well, I, we came out to each other

Andy: congrats! But I don't see the problem here

Me: Well I've realized some things

Me: I pay a lot of attention to him, and really worry about him more than natural

Me: I feel more excited to be in his presence than anybody else

Me: I felt like I was gonna explode in joy when he called me a handsome guy

Me: Lastly I want to be around him all the time

Andy: ...

Me: What?

Andy: You my friend are a fucking idiot

Me: Hey thats mean :(

Andy: Oh shush it's true.

Andy: YOU HAVE A CRUSH!!!!!!!!

Me: You say what now???

Andy: you have a crush on the guy, and it seems pretty serious

Me: fuck

Me: Am I ready to be in a relationship

Me: would he even want to be in a relationship with me

Me: Does he even really see me as a real guy!

Andy: CALM DOWN

Andy: Just breath in and out for me ok

Andy: It sounds like he sees you as a real guy, and you don't need to tell him about your feeling yet. Just take your time getting used to the idea first, and observing the situation. From everything you've told me about him thus far, he sounds like a good guy. Even if he doesn't feel the same way, I'm sure he won't leave you

Me: Ok, thank you A

Andy: No problem B

Me: :)

Andy: :)

Me: All this stressing had exhausted me, imma head to be. NIGHT

Andy: Night idiot

Me: HEY

message read

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My wrists hurt, I did most of this in one sitting, and my eyes burn. But I am really happy with this chapter, I'm excited to be further into the story to tell the parts I really want to tell. Anyways, this chapter was to introduce you to his friends and get to know them and the kind of relationship they have with our boi Blake. Also to start of the little romance between Jasper and Blake. Jasper is getting his own story in the future as well, because I have a lot of ideas on what to do with him. He may be related to some people ;)
> 
> Also sorry about the next chapter in advanced ^ ^
> 
> Thank You For Reading!!!!!
> 
> Love Aiden♡


	7. Sitting In Silence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEAVY TRIGGER WARNING

Laying in bed waiting for sleep to take me, and yet it does not happen. I have had an easier time sleeping recently, it is not the best, but better than before. The past few nights I have been up in thought, worrying about everything. Most of all I have been stressed about my feelings for Jasper, and the stress of being called she over and over again. It feels like I'm going to break down into tears at any moment.

Standing up from my bed I start to pace around the room consumed by my worry. What if Lindsey and Gerard are against trans people, or it is too much trouble for them to handle having a trans child. They could send me back without a second thought, I would lose everything here. My friends could leave me, at least I would still have Jasper, but what if he follows the others. No more band completing my dream, no more talking about useless things, smiling, and laughing together. I could be alone and friendless again, and the whole school could know I am that one kid who pretends to be a man.

I need to get out of here right now, I grab my acoustic guitar. Walking down the dark streets I find a deserted park, and sit on the swing. Strumming out my song of comfort for the first time in awhile, creep. The music surrounds me as I belt out the lyrics that have helped get through my life. Calmness does not come though which is rather strange. Continuing to strum out music for hours, I realize for once music is not helping. This realization causes me to start shaking, and I start breaking down in a park at three in the morning.

Roughly half an hour later, I collect myself enough to go home and hide in my room before school. The whole way I'm shaking lost in my head once again, the darkness growing around me. Hurrying down the stairs to my room, I place my baby girl on her stand, and sit on my bed clutching my hair. My foot beginning to tap in anxiety.

Then as if a revelation has come upon me, I remember what I had brought with me from Miss C's. Rushing to my bathroom I search the cupboards for what I need, a release of any kind. When my fingers finally brush upon the bag that holds the sacred blades, a sick distorted sort of excitement takes over me. Sitting on the edge of the bath open up the bag, and taking out one of the blades. I place it at my upper forearm, once again seeing the faded marks of the last time I was in this position. The marks reminding me of my promise causing tears to once again flow down my face, and my vision to blur.

"I'm sorry, I guess I'm just a liar Andy, but it hurts too much" I cry.

Putting as much pressure I can with the awkward grip of the small blade, I dig into my wrist. A row of lines taking place over my wrist, squeezing out the crimson blood that brings me relief along with pain. I sit there for what feels like hours, but is only a few minutes, I put the blade away. Taking some toilet paper, I dab my arm lightly getting rid of the beautiful crimson. The scars still stay a bright red, and I could not be happier, the pain should last a few days. Physical pain is something I can control, unlike my mental hell.

After everything is cleaned up I lie upon my bed with my thoughts muted better than they were before. Unlike the other time I had taken a blade to my wrist, no guilt could be felt. By the time six came around I was ready for the day, with a cup of coffee in hand, and out the door just as the rest of the family was making their way down stairs. Deciding to walk to school instead of getting a ride from Gerard. Since I was out earlier then usual, I decided to sit in the park from the previous night.

As eight rolled around, I realize how late I am going to be. With a reluctant sigh, I slowly make my way towards school in no rush. I could not get myself to care about it for once, there was no energy in me to try at anything. Walking through the door of the classroom twenty minutes late the teacher giving me a scathing look, I sit down. Jasper gives me a look of worry and mouthing if I was okay, to which I nod my head before opening my sketchbook and drawing.

The rest of the day I keep to myself, barely speaking a word. Jasper was constantly giving me worried yet a somehow knowing look all day, but I give it no notice. When spare comes around, I leave telling them I have something to do. I could not bring myself to play with them today, I felt to drained from being at school. Again I make my way to the park, and spend the rest of the day until dinner there. When I arrive home, I notice the extra car parked in front of the house.

I would not be surprised if it was my social worker here to take me back already, who want a waste of space like me. Clenching my fist at the thought I breath in and out before walking through the door. Walking to the living room, so I can put my empty coffee mug in the kitchen I see a room full of people. Before I can get a step towards the kitchen I am unluckily noticed.

"Lil, come meet some friends of ours!" Says Gerard happily. Internally I sigh in exhaustion, but I force myself to walk over with a smile.

"These are the rest of my band mates and their families!" He cheerily explains before continuing "This is Frank, the rhythm guitarist of the band, and that is his wife Jamia, and his kids Cherry, Lilly, and Miles." I smile and wave at them. Excitedly he continues onto the others I do not know "This is Ray, the lead guitarist of the band along with his wife Christa." Again I wave and smile politely.

"So this is the new Way!" Frank exclaims pulling me into a jumping hug before he continues "Hello little Way!"

"I- uh. Hi?" I reply awkwardly.

After I am let go Frank pouts over to Gerard "Why didn't I get to meet her first," he motions over to Mikey.

Mikey smirks "Because I'm his brother dumb ass."

As this is going on Ray walks up to me "It's nice to have a new addition to the family," he smiles kindly at me.

His words striking a cord with me, reminding me of all my doubts of them wanting me. Though I smile up at him and say "Thank you, it's nice to be a part of the family."

At that moment Lindsey calls us all in for dinner. Luckily with the large amount of people it was easy for me to get away with minimum talking. Unless someone asked me something directly, I did not initiate contact with anyone, just wanting to hide in my room for the rest of the night. Pressing down on the marks on my cuts from the previous night, I calm myself slightly. When everyone is done, I slip away to my room.

Picking up my girl, I start to strum songs of comfort as I focus on the music, and the pain in my arm. After awhile, lyrics start to come to me, full of emotion I write away the pain that consumes me. Testing out the words to different melodies, I get lost in a momentary bliss. That is until I am surprised by the tap on my shoulder, causing me to jump and drop my girl as she smashes on the ground.

Tears start to flow down my face as I lean down on the floor staring at the mess of my love and memories. Arms wrap around me as I cry out my eyes seeing my last piece of my parents smashed on the floor. Pushing the person hugging me away out of anger I glare at them, seeing that it is Gerard with a look of pure guilt.

Gerard starts "lil i'm-"

"How could you!" I scream at him. "That is the last thing I have from my parents, the piece that has kept me alive! The most important thing to me!" I scream through the tears.

Before he can say anything I run upstairs past the stares of everyone in the living room, and right out the door. Immediately I make my way to the park, it seems to have become my place of comfort the past two days. Without a care dropping myself onto the swing as tears fall faster and harder then they have since I lost my parents. A sudden realization dawns on me when I can think in some clarity, I have officially screwed everything up. They will not want me now, I have lost a new family, I have lost my parents, I have lost my friends, I have lost a home.

I decide not to go back, considering they will not want me anyways. Mind numb I make the trek towards Andy's house. After two hours of walking I find myself in front of a familiar home. With the movements of a zombie I walk up to the door ringing the door bell. The sounds of scurrying can be heard from inside before the door is opened by Andy, who immediately has a face of worry when his gaze fall upon my form.

"Lil?" he asks confused.

"I screwed up" I say in apathy.

"Did you walk all the way here?" he question, to which I nod my head.

"Get in here!" he orders leading me towards the couch. "Sit" he orders me yet again before going to the kitchen to fetch some water and food. "My dads are out on their anniversary trip, so they aren't here for a few days" he informs me as he places everything in front of me.

I make no effort to pick it up, choosing to stare into the distance blankly. Andy continued to try and get any words out of me, only to continuously fail. His worry increasing ten fold at my lack of communication. Understanding he will not be getting any words out of me, he leads my body, which follows as if it is a puppet. He brings me up to the spare bedroom, he sets up the bed for me while I stand where he left me. Helping me into bed, he stares at me in worry.

"It'll be okay, I'm here for you" he reassures me.

I give him no form of acknowledgement, too lost in my state of shock. Reluctantly he leaves the room shutting of the light, once again on my own. At one point I fall asleep without notice, only to wake up in the same state of shock. Andy spends the day leading me around trying to coax words out of me. In the end I never speak, and he has to feed me like a child in need of help. His worry grew as the day passed on, and the lack of consciousness proceeded.

Once again I found myself lying in the guest room for the night. Slowly I could feel the shock leaving me as I sit up, and the absolute depression taking over my mind once again. The self loathing consuming me more than it ever has before. I was sitting in silence, yet the silence was so loud.

I had officially ruined any chance at happiness, mom and dad would be so disappointed in me. Everyone is disappointed in me, if Andy knew he would be too. Though I am already being a burden to him, and his life would be so much better without me. Everyone's lives would be better without me dragging them down. No wants me to be their friend, their boyfriend, and especially their child.

With a sick sense of determination, and excitement I make my way towards the bathroom where I know the medication is kept. Searching for the pills, I find a old fashioned razor, that is simply a blade. Better to be safe than sorry was what I believed at that moment, because why would I want to survive. Slowly I took as many pills as there were left in the bottle before sitting in the tub. I began to slit as deep as I could along my arms and legs, knowing that if the blood loss does not kill me, the pills will.

Slowly dizziness consumed my vision, along with a light head. I could barely see anything but I could feel the smile on my face. For once I was doing something right, everyone could finally be happy. They could all move on with their lives without me burdening them. Andy will have a bit of a mess to clean, but then he will be free of me. Finally, I am feeling happy with a decision I have made.

_Slam_

"BLAKE!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the sad chapter, but I promise it gets better! Though this is very important for the plot of the story. I really hope you enjoyed it, even if it may have been sad.
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Love Aiden♡


	8. Hospital Beds

I open my eyes slowly, disoriented, and confused. The first thing I registered was the hunched figure crying over me while gripping onto my hand like it is their lifeline. Said hunched figure had long brown hair, very recognizable brown hair, it was Gerard. Confused as to why he was crying and where I am until it all comes rushing back to me, causing me to squeeze his hand. Immediately he looked up with relieved yet guilt ridden eyes.

"I'm sorry" he says after a minute of silence.

"It's okay" I say unsure if it the truth or not.

"It's not okay, I destroyed something precious to you. A father shouldn't do that, and for me to cause you so much pain that you- you-" tears continue to fall from his brown eyes.

"It's not your fault, I over reacted. I had not been well the past few days, I've been spiraling. There has been a lot on my mind, and it was just the final straw. It was bound to happen sooner or later, I'm fucked up. Though I'm sure now that you know that, you won't want any part of me" I reassure before looking down in sadness by the end.

Suddenly I feel myself be engulfed in a hug, while he pets my hair he says "I should have noticed, I'm sorry. I've said this before, and I'll say this again, we love you and will never leave you. We promise to help you, so please let us do so." He leans back from the hug giving me a pleading look. Slowly I nod my head, and then we continue our embrace.

A minute later a doctor comes in to speak to Gerard, they go out into the hall leaving me to my thoughts. I know that it will take awhile to get better, and I know I am still not okay. Gerard asked me to try, and I intend to, for him, for Lindsey, for Bandit, for my friends, and most of all for my self. My somewhat of a good mood would falter in just a second when the doctor, and Gerard return to tell me that I will be admitted to the psyche ward. Remembering my promise I reluctantly agree, to which Gerard gives me an understanding smile.

Next thing I know I am walking with Gerard, and the unidentified doctor to the psyche ward. To say I was nervous would be an understatement of the century, I found myself fiddling with my bandage covered arms in anxiety. Gerard took my fiddling hand into his own squeezing it in assurance that it will all be okay, that he is here for me. This gave me the courage to continue, though I was still anxious and scared. When we arrived the doctor gave some forms for Gerard to sign before he comes back to say his goodbyes. 

"We'll visit okay, as often as we can" He strokes stray strands of hair out of my face before continuing "do you want us to say anything to your friends?" After a moment of consideration I nod my head to which he kisses my forehead. "See you soon, I love you" he tells me before getting up to walk away.

Before he can get far I grab his arm causing him to turn and look at me. Nervously I tell him "I love you dad."

He smiles and gives me a hug before departing. I watch the door even after he leaves wishing for him to stay, but I know he had to go. If I could stand there forever I would, but sadly a nurse had to interrupt my longing thoughts to take me to my room. The room looked like what you expect out of a hospital room, like the other room I was in before. Only exception being the other bed had someone lying on it already, making it easy to infer that I have a roommate.

The nurse hands me my bag saying that they took out any unapproved items, and that I will get them back when I leave. Sighing I place the bag on my bed before opening it up to reveal the packed items. Inside was a bunch of dull pencils, my sketchbook, my notebook, my art markers and pens, and lastly pictures of the Ways and me. Tears could be seen slowly falling from my face as I hugged the photo, I did not care that it was placed in a stupid plastic frame, it was a reminder of why I am trying.

"You okay?" a voice from behind startles me.

Whipping my head around in shock before awkwardly replying "Ya I- um- just looking at a photo."

"Dude it's okay to cry, I did to when I first arrived. I still do now to be honest" the beautiful girl shrugs. Studying her more closely I could see her beautiful curly black hair and defined features. One thing that was obvious though was her extreme lack of weight, and scarred covered wrists.

"I'm Mellanie" she introduces herself.

I hesitate before answering "Bla- I mean Lillian!"

She gives me a look before saying "tell me the name you prefer."

I blush in embarrassment before shyly responding "Blake."

She smiles kindly before saying "it's nice to meet you Blake!"

I look up at her in shock before smiling as well "it's nice to meet you too Mellanie!"

After that we were brought our lunches on a tray, to be honest it was not horrible like I expected. Mellanie looked pained trying to eat, but it seemed as if she was trying. When we finished we walked over to a room with chairs placed around in a circle formation giving me a pretty clear idea of what is to happen next. A women came into the room, when she noticed me she informed me that I was not to participate today, but to see the psychologist before anything else. She had Mellanie take me to said psychologist, leaving me with a reassuring smile before I walk inside.

Inside sat a women who looked to be in her late thirties with long brown hair and glasses covering her emerald eyes. She looked to be relaxed as she worked, giving off a non intimidating aura. Hearing the door close she looked up from her typing to see me awkwardly stand before her. Giving me a kind smile while she gestured towards the chair in front of her desk, to which I took a seat in.

"Lillian right?" she asks making me flinch.

"Yes" I sadly reply to which she gave me a look similar to Mellanies earlier that day.

"What's wrong, is there something wrong with your name?" she asks kindly.

"I- um-" I stutter considering what to say before I look down at my wrists to see the bandages covering them. Being reminded of my determination to get better; I take a breath and continue "I refer Blake, I- um- I'm-" I take a breath before continuing "I'm transgender, my body is wrong, I am a boy" I finish. Determined I look up with a look of defiance waiting for her to try and judge me, only to see a pleased smiling face.

"Hello Blake I'm doctor Jennings, but call me Sam" she says.

Staring at her wide eyed and shocked, she is one of the few adults who did not act in disgust to my gender. Feeling more comfortable in her presence already I feel ready for this meeting. She asked me questions but let me choose whether or not I answered. It made me feel comfortable enough to answer them funnily enough. I told her about my depression, my anxiety, my dysphoria, my fears, my life. Usually I would be slow to open up this much, but I wanted to get better, and she wanted to help me.

Returning to my room feeling more relaxed within the hospital then I did before, I took out my notebook. Grabbing a dull pencil I started to write my heart out, expressing where I was only yesterday, to where I am now. I know I am no where near better, but I feel like I can get there for the first time in my life. As I wrote the words of my heart, I feel a indescribable itch on my wrist. It felt like I needed to scratch my arm until I bled, I needed to find something sharp. Scratching desperately at my wrist I feel a hand cover mine.

"Stop please" a voice worriedly says. Looking up I see Mellanie with a somber look on her face before she continues "I get how tempting it is, it's an addiction, but you need to try your best to resist."

"Okay" I say seriously to which she smiles.

After that we sat on our beds and just spoke to each other for awhile. She explained to me that there was a activities room that we could go to and hang out with other patients, to which I was not ready to do so today. Understanding she moved on to other subjects, they were mindless distractions; I appreciated what she was doing. Dinner came around, time passing by faster then I expected it to. Again Mellanie had trouble eating to which I comforted her this time as she did. After eating we returned all our trays before returning to our room, doing our own thing in comfortable silence. I continued to write and write until the lights were turned off by a nurse who handed me a pill which she explained was to help me sleep. Kicking in faster than expected I passed out not waking up till morning light.

The next day I had my first group therapy session, I was nervous but Mellanie promised to stay by me. Being the first to get there, we sat down on the chairs and waited for the others to arrive. As people arrived, she introduced me to some of her friends. They all seemed to be nice, it made me happy to know there were more people I could be comfortable with around. The women from the day before entered the room taking a seat with a smile.

"Looks like we're all here! We have a new face today, how bout we all introduce our selves. I'll go first, I'm Karen and I've worked here for ten years last month" she introduces herself.

Next was one of the boys Mellanie introduced me to "I'm John, um I've been here for a few months."

After that it was Mellanie herself "I'm Mellanie and I have been here for a year."

Finally it was me "I- uh- I'm Blake, I'm trans male. I got here yesterday."

Introductions continued after that, the only ones I remembered were Mellanie's friends, Jo, June, Liz, and Johnny. Everyone was surprisingly open throughout the session, I felt like over time maybe I could be too, I would have to work up to it though. Later we went back to our room with all of Mellanie's friends, and we just talked for awhile, it was fun. They ended up eating with us in our room, all being supportive of Mellanie and John as they ate.

As we were lying on our beds to sleep for the night I told Mellanie "Your friends are really amazing."

"They're your friends too" she says before rolling over and falling asleep.

The days passed by, and slowly I felt better about myself. Over time I grew comfortable with my anxiety and depression, learning to live with it, and accept it. I was placed on some medications, it was a bit of experimenting first but we found what worked best. My friends would visit me quite a bit, especially Jasper, he was so supportive and sweet. A month in, Mellanie was aloud to leave, I was sad to see her go but we promised to keep in touch. This past month she has become like an older sister for me, it felt amazing expanding my family.

The Ways visited me more than anyone though, always bringing Bandit who could always brighten up my day. Sometimes uncle Mikey would come as well, he was quiet but supportive. Lindsey cried the first visit when I called her mom, and Gerard smiled widely at the sight. Today I was nervous, after some sessions with Sam, we decided I should come out to my family and friends. Tapping my feet anxiously as I waited for my family, I whispered to myself reassurances.

"Sissy!" cheered a excited bandit as she tackled me into a hug.

"Hey little B" I smiled at her. Her words only reminded me of what I was going to say though, as much as I wanted to back out, I had to do it.

"Hey sweetie" Gerard says kissing my forehead.

"Hey dad" I reply warmly.

"Hey there darling" Lindsey smiles at me pulling me into a hug.

"Hi mom" I grin up at her.

"There- there is something I need to tell you guys" I say seriously. Giving me a look of reassurance from the both of them I continue "I'm transgender. My name is Blake."

"Hello their Blake, my name is Gerard. It's nice to meet you my son" Gerard smiles at me along with Lindsey.

Tears start to fall down my face as I desperately try to wipe them away "Th-thank you, thank you so much. I love you mom, dad, sis. You mean the world to me, thank you for accepting me. I love you all."

I found myself in a giant group hug as they comforted me. Never had I been more happy in my life, it felt like a giant weight was lifted off me. Finally I think I believe that they want me, that they are never going to get rid of me. Next step was to tell my friends, feeling more confident this time I was ready. Not to mention Jasper would be there and he already knows.

"So your a fucking tranny" Kyle bluntly says. A wave of sadness hits me, but I do my best to fight it.

"Are you kidding me Kyle, can you be nice for once in your life!" Rae defends me, I smile at her.

"You're going to protect a fucking tranny" Kyle says disgusted.

At that moment a realization came over all of us. All the time he was being judgmental asshole, he did mean it. Kyle was a homophobic prick, and we all thought he was a good guy for some reason. To put it simply I felt hurt, and the others were beyond pissed. Rae was ready to punch him into next week, while Jane's shyness wiped away as she did punch him.

"Get the fuck out of here" Jasper seethes at him.

"Like I want to be around a tranny. By ya faggots" he says while he leaves.

They turn around to see me with tears ready to pour, immediately hug me. Comforting me, telling me not to listen to him. He was definitely out of the band they joked causing me to laugh. Jasper told the girls that he is gay considering we were all opening up at the moment. Surprisingly Jane said she is bisexual, but we were all supportive of each other.

"Token straight cis gendered of the group!" yells Rae. We all laugh at her antics, used to her being like this.

"Thank you, all of you. For standing up for me, but most of all supporting me" I say smiling at them.

They pull me into a group hug full of laughter before we continue onto simpler subjects. When it was time to say goodbye, I was sad to see them go, but I knew I would see them again. I felt closer with the people I care about, I felt more free than I ever have. Kyle was not important, I did not need him, because I had all these wonderful people in my life. My life was coming together, and I could not be more happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that my friends is chapter eight! A happier chapter compared to the last one. I'm very excited considering I am almost done, and I have never completed a fic before. Hopefully you enjoyed this chapter, see you next Wednesday!
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Love Aiden♡


	9. Friend | Brother | Son

After coming out to everyone, it felt easier to deal with my emotions. They were still difficult at times, and could be consuming, but I can work through them. I know I will always deal with my anxiety and depression, but I know I can do it. The Kyle incident did upset me, but it did not depress me as much as it would have before, I felt like I could move on. My life was coming together, and I felt proud of myself for making it so far.

"I've got some news to tell you" Sam said brightly.

My interest now peaked I ask "Oh?"

"We believe you are well enough to go home, your family will be here to pick you up tomorrow morning" she smiles at me knowing how much this means to me.

Tears start to fall from my eyes before I tackle her in a hug "thank you, thank you, thank you so much!"

That night even with my medication, my excitement kept me awake. It took quite awhile to fall asleep, but when I did it was peaceful. Waking up it took me a second for my brain to catch up with reality, when it did I was jumping off the walls. Never in my life have I packed for anything faster than right now, and I have had to pack my life up quite a bit. I do not think time had ever past this slowly in my life, waiting for my family to arrive felt like an eternity. What confused me was when only mom showed up, did they not want me home?

"Hey there Blake, ready to go?" she smiles brightly at me.

"Ya" I force a cheery smile.

The car ride was silent, mom seemed anxious which scared me. I never thought my mood could go from so high to so low, but I was scared of what could be going on. Pulling into the drive way I readied myself to be disappointing. Opening the door though I was ready to burst into tears.

"Welcome home!" yelled everyone including mom.

All the people I care about were here, from Andy, to my friends, and most importantly my family. On the wall was a giant banner that said 'Welcome Home Blake.' Dad was running around with a giant transgender flag behind him, grinning from ear to ear. Bandit came running up to me handing me a drawing she did. First of all it was amazing for a seven year old. On the top of the picture she wrote 'My Family' in childish writing, below she drew as labeled 'Uncle Mikey,' 'Daddy,' 'Mommy,' 'Me,' and 'Brother.' That was when I broke into tears.

"Whats wrong!" mom said worried.

"I'm just so happy, all I wanted was for people to accept me, to have a family again. Here you are all of you, I could never be happier. Thank you so much, I love you, all of you" I said through the stream of tears.

"We love you too" dad says draping me in a trans cape that he was previously running around with.

"Your my big brother, big B!" cheers Bandit in childish glee.

"Thank you sister little B" I smile brightly at her as I crouch down to hug her.

Uncle Mikey pulls me into a hug when I stand up speaking in his own Mikey way "We love you Blake."

"Your our precious little boy" mom kisses my forehead.

Ray tackles to me the floor while Jane hugs me gently. Andy pulls me under his arms ruffling up my hair. His dads bring me into a group hug expressing how proud they are of me. Mellanie hugged me tightly telling me that we did it. When Jasper came up to me with a proud smile, I could feel my heartbeat quicken and my cheeks fill up with colour.

"I'm proud of you Blake" he says before pulling me into a hug causing my face to heat up more.

"Th-thank you" I stutter out.

Mom was giving me a knowing look to which I look away from knowing that I was going to have to deal with that later. Dad came walking in smiling as he held a cake I never thought I would ever see. It was designed to look like a pride flag with the words 'Welcome Home Blake' written on. I was the one to cut the cake, barely noticing dad snap a picture with his phone of the scene. After we finished the cake and sat in the living room talking and catching up, I could not remove the smile from my face.

"Okay we got you something" Lindsey grins at me.

Raising an eyebrow in question I hesitantly ask "oh?"

"Here" she says passing me a bag.

Taring out the tissue paper, I pull out three breast binders. Staring at them in shock I slowly look up at everyone, tears once again threatening to fall for what felt like the hundredth time today. Mom was smiling softly at me while dad hugged me from beside me on the couch. With everyone who sat around me I realized something, they were all here for, and support me.

"Thank you, all of you. You mean the world to me, I could never ask for better people to be a part of my life" I softly say smiling at them in appreciation.

The rest of the day was less excitement, but still just as wonderful. Rae told me about all the video games I had to learn now that I was back. Jane talked about all the art ideas she had, along with the interesting projects I missed in art. Andy updated me on all the new music that we  listened too, trying to get me to understand things about the band members them selves. Mellanie explained what she had been up to since she got out, integrating back into the world and daily life. 

Jasper nervously told me about what happened now that Kyle is out from the group. Apparently he was telling all of the school about me, it made me nervous. He reassured me that they would all stand behind me, they would not let the school hurt me. I trusted him, and I trusted our friend, I also knew he was telling me before hand so I was prepared; I was very thankful.

Bandit told me all about what has been going on in school, all her grades, and all the adventures we are going to have now. Mikey was happy to talk about all the bands he wanted to show me from when he was younger, I was excited for us to spend a day together. Mom happily went on about past art projects and upcoming ones, she was so excited it was inspiring to watch and listen. 

Dad excitedly told me about all the new comics he wants to show me, along with all the ones he has worked on. Also, he gave me an amazing picture completely inked and coloured of me fully transitioned as what seems to be a colourful bandit. He explained that it was the universe created for the Danger Days album, and how it is me as a rebel known as killjoys. After some discussion we decided on the killjoy name Atomic Rythm, and I got to say I really like it. Things started to die down soon after, and Bandit was put to bed, leaving only Gerard, Lindsey, and me.

"I think I'm going to bed, it's been an exciting day" I say followed shortly after by a yawn to prove my point further.

"Before you go there are two more gifts" dad says with a mischievous smile causing me to raise my eyebrow in suspicious. Grinning he hand me a small box, to which I stare at for a second. Rolling his eyes he says "go on, open it." Opening it, I am left staring at a bracelet made out of a very familiar set of wires, that in all honesty confused me. "I know it is not as good as having the whole thing, but with the help of mom, I made the strings of your guitar into a bracelet so you will always have a piece of your father with you."

Pulling him into a hug I say softly "thank you so much. You did not have to do this, it was not your fault."

"I wanted to, I know it meant a lot to you" he kindly smiles at me in response.

"Okay thank you" I smile back.

"One more thing!" he excitedly cheers.

Mom comes into the room, I had not noticed her leaving it in the first place, she was carrying a brand new acoustic guitar that was the exact same as my old one. It was a black Denver guitar, everything was the same except for the ware and tare of time. They were both grinning at me as I studied my new child. I grinned up at them carefully placing her to the side before engulfing them in a hug.

"I take it you like her" laughs dad.

"Of course I do, thank you again" I laugh with a smile.

"You got a name for her" asks dad.

"Gee!" I cheerfully reply.

Dad's grin widens as he replies "That sounds wonderful."

Mom laughs at the two of us fondly before telling the both of us to get to bed before we passed out from exhaustion. With a goodnight and a kiss on the forehead from the both of them, I made my way downstairs. Placing Gee on the stand that once held my other baby, smiling at the sight of her there. It will never replace the one from my biological father, but it is just as important. Lying on my bed staring at Gee with a smile upon my face. This has to be the best day of my life, and I am sure I will never forget the joy I felt today.

Morning came with the sound of a blaring alarm, something I was not accustomed to anymore. Groggily and grumpily I lifted myself out of bed pulling myself like a zombie over to my dresser. Dressing myself in today's choice of clothes before making my way upstairs for my dose of morning coffee. Dad seemed to have the same goal as me seeing as he was sleepily standing in front of the coffee machine waiting for it to finish making the current pot. When it is done he pours us both a mug, each of us adding our preferred add-ons in silence.

When our minds wake up enough to function semi regularly do we properly acknowledge each other. We mindlessly chat until Bandit come running down the stairs cheerily as ever, with mom slowly following after the ball of energy. Dad hands her a mug while she puts together some breakfast for Bandit. Silently we all listen to Bandit go on about what she is going to do today until it is time for us to leave. 

Dad drops me off in front of the school with a hug goodbye before driving off. Walking into the school not seeing my friends, I head to my locker. Doing my best to stay positive through the disgusted stares of the other students. Opening my locker to place my bag in, but before I can do so I am finding myself being pushed into it. Uncomfortably and painfully pulling myself out of the locker while laughs can be heard surrounding me. That is until sudden shocked whispers could be heard all around. Confused and curious I look over to the center of everyone's attention to be shocked by the sight of Jasper in a skirt. My jaw drops at the sight, as my brain betrays me in thinking about how cute he looks right now.

Strutting over to me he sassily talks "Hey their honey, how are you this fine day."

"Wha- what are you doing" I stutter out confused.

Smiling sincerely and softly at me he says "I know it's going to be hard with everyone knowing you're trans, to help you feel better and take the gossip of you I wore a skirt!"

At that moment I found myself officially falling in love with him. Never had I felt a romantic attraction for anyone, but Jasper has captured my heart. I could not stop myself from crying, and pulling him into a giant hug. He laughs good heartily as he pats my back in comfort. To say Jane was shocked would be an understatement but she smiled when Jasper explained why. Rae laughed like a hyena at the sight grinning  at me mischievously. Honestly the look she had scared me as to what she was thinking, especially of what it could mean for me.

English left me with a ridiculous amount of catch up work, but Jasper promised to help which made me blush. Music, the teacher just gave me one big project that incorporated what I had missed, instead of a load of work. Lunch was stressful but Jasper grabbed my hand leading me through the crowd of people to our table while Rae glared at anyone who dared gave us even a glance. Jane joined us at the table as we discussed mindless topics while we ate our food.

"I always knew you were a faggot too" sneered a familiar voice from behind us.

Turning around to see a disgusted Kyle Jasper responds in a dad like sass "If we're being technical I believe the term is gay, you should really buy a dictionary."

"A faggot is still a faggot, no wonder you hang with the tranny" he responds.

Jasper tuts at him before continuing his sass parade "again with the incorrect language, have you ever even seen a dictionary you uncultured peasant. The term is transgender, educate yourself before you try and speak to people about such subjects."

"Know what fuck you, I'm out. Have fun in hell fags" his temper seeming to be ready to burst as he storms away to his new  _friends_.

"Oh my god Jasper when did you get this sassy, non the less funny!" Rae bursts out while she hits the table in a fit of laughter.

Jane chuckles with a smile on her face "that was pretty good."

Flipping his nonexistent long hair hair dramatically he replies with sass "I've always been the sass queen, bow down peasants."

I smile at the scene in front of me, these are my friends and I would never have it any other way. Just enjoyed the bickering between Rae and Jasper, with Jane's occasional input of thought. They were just them selves, they were supportive and kind, not to mention they were true to themselves. Life was amazing, I could not believe that I was lucky enough to have such amazing people to support me. Whatever I did to deserve them, I do not know, but I am forever grateful.

"Everything okay?" asks Jane.

"Ya, it's perfect" I smile serenely at her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is definitely one of my favourite chapters by far, not to mention Jasper in a skirt is my favourite thing EVER. I have been planning that scene out pretty much since the beginning! Again as per usual I had fun writing this, it was a bit slow at first but I got there. I really hope you enjoyed it as much as I did writing it. Please tell me ho you feel about this chapter, I'd love to know.
> 
> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Love Aiden♡


	10. A New You

We continued band practice without Kyle, but something was missing even we had to admit that. So we sat there brainstorming ideas on how to either make up for the missing piece, or how to get another guitarist. Jane offered to learn guitar, but we all knew how much she wanted to make comics, and sell her art. It was beginning to stress us out, we spent a few months trying desperately to figure it out. Then one day we figured it out, well technically we did not figure it out, Andy did.

"I could be your guitarist" he states causing us to all stare at him shocked. How could we have not considered asking him, it was obvious.

"Fucking hell yes!" yells Rae as she tackles Andy into a hug.

Andy had come to visit more frequently after I got out of the hospital, slowly integrating himself into our little group. The others thought he was awesome, and he loved them too. He could keep up with Rae's energy, and make Jane open up faster than most. Not to mention all the shenanigans he and Jasper got into. I could not help but smile brightly at the group of friends I had made in the past year, never had I been so happy in my life.

"Time to see how we work together!" Rae yells once again.

"Let's do this shit!" he yells right back.

We made our way over to my house to ask dad if we could borrow an extra electric guitar until Andy could get his own. It took awhile to find anybody, it was as if no one was home. On the off chance that they were in my room, I checked there. Lying on my bed was a piece of paper, it confused me considering I did not leave anything there previously. Walking over to see what it was I almost cried. It was a birth certificate with my name on it, my real name; Blake Harper Way. Turning around I see my friends and family grinning at me as tears fall down my face.

"Welcome to the family Blake Way" says Lindsey hugging me tightly.

"I love you mom" I say through the flow of tears.

"We love you too" she says kissing my forehead.

"But that is not all" dad grins mischievously at me.

I shake my head fast "no you've already done more than enough, I could never ask for anything more."

"Not even this" he hands me a business card for some doctor with a date for next week written down. I look up at him confused as to what this was about.

"This is a doctor who specializes in working with trans youth so that you can start transitioning. You can also wait if you'd like" dad grins at me with the adoration and care I know is meant for me.

Looking over at my friends I say teasingly "you fuckers knew didn't you." They just give me sly grins. Wiping away my tears I look up to dad "oh right we came here to ask if we could borrow an electric guitar for Andy."

Everyone chuckled at the sudden change in topic. Dad led us up to the music room and handed Andy one of the many guitars. With a thanks we make our way back to Rae's home to see how playing with Andy goes. Remembering how well we played together, I do not think it will be a problem in the slightest. Considering the fact that it is the same way I play with the others, and we all get along quite well.

Setting up I noticed Andy showing some of his nervous ticks, biting his lip, twitching his fingers. Placing my hand on his shoulder gaining his attention, I give him a nod of understanding and encouragement. He smiles weakly but determination could be seen in his eyes. Knowing he was going to be fine, I went to finish setting up. Once everyone is ready we start off with songs we all know such as 'American Idiot.' 

To say it went well would be an understatement, and everyone could tell. Jane was smiling brightly at us not paying a single bit of attention to her sketchbook. While Rae was more into hitting those drums than ever before, and for once it was out of excitement instead of anger. Jasper was dancing around full of energy, happiness raining out of him like a storm. Andy was no longer biting his lip and his hands were expertly hitting the notes as if it was second nature. Then there was me, singing my heart out grinning like a mad man, knowing that we can do this.

As soon as the song ended Jane jumped up in joy "who needs Kyle, Andy works way better with you guys!"

Dramatically as ever Rae stands up on her drum set scaring all of us as she places her hand on her hip; pointing the other at Andy saying "Andy! Welcome to Universe 25!"

We all laugh at her foolishness and decide to go out and celebrate after some more practice. Andy having seen a lot of my work before was very familiar with most of the songs, and fell into the groove easily with ones he did not know. Time flew by for all of us, laughter filled our time together. No one noticed how late it was until dad called me asking me to come home, because Andy's dads were there to pick him up. Deciding to meet up for brunch tomorrow instead we part ways, Andy joining me on the walk home.

"See ya B" Andy says giving me a hug.

"See ya A" I reply hugging him back.

Walking inside I see dad and mom talking in the living room. I jump on top of dad causing a grunt of surprise to leave him. Grinning mischievously up at him while mom laughs at the two of us. Dad sticks his tongue at me to which I return the gesture. We both break out into fits of laughter shortly after, me landing on the floor in a heap of giggles.

When we finally calm down mom speaks up "Sooooo how did it go?"

"It went pretty well" I smile up at her from my current position on the floor. I continue talking as I retake my place on top of dad "Andy really worked well with us, there is no doubt about it."

Dad ruffles my hair "I'm glad, that Kyle kid was a dick." Mom hits dad upside the head who pouts at her in return. "Okay, he was a not so nice human" he corrects himself, voice filled with sarcasm.

"Thank you for everything" I sincerely tell them.

"There is no need to thank us Blake. You are our son, and we love you. We want to do this for you, never forget that" she says kissing my forehead as she does to show her love for her family.

"She's right, we love you so much, and want you to be happy" dad pulls me into a tight hug causing me to giggle and squirm trying to escape.

"Now you better get to bed, and remember to take your meds okay?" mom tells me.

I smile at her in return, giving them both a hug before making my way downstairs. Grabbing my pajamas on my way to the bathroom, I get ready for bed. As I walk out of the bathroom I see the wall behind my guitars that hold the collage of pictures I have, that were taken over the past year. Pictures with dad, mom, little B where we would be goofing around the house, or going to the water park. Then there were pictures with all my friends; playing in Rae's garage, being stupid at school, going to the park, and so on and so forth. There were also pictures with uncle Mikey when he would visit and take little B and me out.

Without my notice a smile had spread across my face at the sight of all the happy memories. Before I was to busy fearing that it was all temporary to truly enjoy what life has given me. Now I am content, I can see how wonderful this all is. I might not be one hundred percent better, but I am better than I could ever ask to be. Here I am with this wonderful family that loves me and supports me for who I am, and what I want to do with my life. Then there are the friends I have made who are more accepting than most I have met in my life, and share the same passions as me while showing me new ones as well.

Then there is Jasper, the boy who embarrassed himself in front of the whole school to help me feel better. Jasper, the boy who understood how important family is, and found his own even if it was not by blood. The boy who supported me with his smile that could knock me to my knees in an instant. A boy who I am at this point in love with, and I do not think I could see myself not loving.

Curling myself into a ball of happiness, I find myself dozing off into sleep. The next morning I jumped out of bed without complaint, stumbling across my room in a mad rush to get ready. Socks not matching, my clothes lazily thrown on, hair still looking like I just crawled out of bed, which I had, to put simply I was a exited mess. Running upstairs to see mom raising a questioning eyebrow to me as I completely pass up the offer of coffee. Without giving her any sort of answer I rush out the door to meet the others before we decide where we want to go for breakfast.

Picking out some random diner, we make our way to fill our rumbling stomachs, and my need for coffee. We chat excitedly about music ideas, and what we could do if we make it. Album ideas were even passed around while Jane showed us some of the work she has done based on our practices. The one that stood out the most was one she drew of a real moment, but instead we were on a stage singing for thousands.

The rest of the week was just as exciting, Andy busing down whenever he could to practice with us. Despite this, the week went by quite slowly, since my excitement for the appointment was much greater. All my friends were excited for me, but that did not stop them from teasing me as I barely paid attention in class. Even Kyle's idiotic remarks could not bring me down, though Jasper and Rae were always getting in his face when he did. Through out the week, Jasper patiently listened to me squeal in excitement at the fact that I am so close to going on testosterone. He smiled at me with that dazzling smile as my never ending rants continued.

Walking into the doctors office, a sudden rush of anxiety hit me that was not there before. Thoughts of if the doctor would pass me off as not really being trans, and what if there is a reason I can not start. Dad noticing my sudden change in mood pulls me into a hug whispering words of encouragement. Taking deep breath while leaning into him, I felt myself slowly calm down. When I could finally think clearly again is when I was called in, and with a new resolve I entered the doctors office.

"Hello I'm doctor Lang, you must be Blake" greets the doctor kindly.

"Hi" I quietly reply, not yet comfortable with the new person.

He was unfazed by my shy demeanor, his smile staying a constant upon his face. As the meeting went on, I slowly felt myself leave my shell, and I opened up to him. He asked me about my dysphoria, how long I have known I was transgender, how far I want to go with my transitioning, etc. After, he told me what happens with each surgery along with what effects that come from taking testosterone, and the different ways to take it. By the end of the session, I knew for certain what I wanted to do, so Doctor Lang went out to have dad sign some papers considering I am underage.

Walking out of his office with a grand smile upon my face while dad smiles at me basking in my excitement. On our way home we dropped by the pharmacy to give them my new prescription. To busy lost in my thoughts I did not notice where we were going until the car stopped. I look up to see the music store that I have come to be well acquainted with over time. Giving dad the look of ' _are you really going to spend more money on me_.'

"Lets go in" he slyly grins.

"You suck" I say good heartily.

Stepping out of the car we make our way inside the shop being greeted by the owner. Waving at him in greeting, we make our way through the shop. Looking at the different types of pedals. I find a few that particularly stand out out to me, as well as a few guitar straps that I could not pass up. 

"I am so lucky" I say once we are back in the car.

"Oh?" dad replies.

Fiddling with the bracelet he had given me I answer him "You guys chose me out of all the other kids you could have adopted. I don't know what I did to deserve you guys, or all the friends I've made, but I am so grateful."

"It's not luck" he states before continuing to explain "we chose you because we liked you, and now we love you. It is us who are lucky to have found such a wonderful son, and an amazing older brother." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks you for reading! I was worried I was not going to get this out on time considering I had not edited it till today, but I did!
> 
> ~Love Aiden♡


	11. Normal Everyday

Bandit and I were hanging out in my room, her couloring, me playing my acoustic, when we were called by mom and dad. Curious we made our way upstairs, before I could process anything Bandit runs into the arms of an elderly women. You could see the excitement beaming out of her from a million miles away, it was an adorable sight. Said elderly women was also beaming just as much at Bandit, laughing a kind hearted laugh. Everyone is gathered there, mom, dad, uncle Mikey, and the elderly couple.

Uncle Mikey noticing me first walks over pulling me into a hug "I'm proud of you Bigger B."

"Thank you uncle Mikey" I hug him back.

Still hugging me from the side he turns back to face the others, who are now all looking at me "Blake meet your grandparent Donna and Don."

Eyes widening I stutter out an introduction "i-it's a pleasure to meet you."

"No need for formalities sweetie, call me grandma" The elderly women, now known to me as grandma, said.

Tears start to form in my eyes as she envelop me into a hug I say "th-thank y-you."

"No need to thank me sweetie" she wipes away my tears continuing to beam.

"And you can call me grandpa!" says the elderly man, now known as grandpa, dramatically.

Chuckling I wrap my arms around him in a hug "nice to meet you grandpa."

We moved over to the living room away from the door, and continued to chat. I happily watched as everyone conversed, still not believing how lucky I am. Never have I had grandparents before, they were dead before I got the chance to meet them, or they wanted nothing to do with me. Here I am sitting with this beautiful excepting family; my loving little sister, my awesome uncle, my caring parents, and my kind grandparents.

"What you grinning about" grandma nudges me jokingly.

"Just how lucky I am" I say honestly.

Her face sobers up, but continues to show her kind nature as she says "you deserve the world. Now as my grandson, I demand to know more about you!"

Almost exploding in glee at being called her grandson, I somehow respond "well what do you want to know?"

"Hobbies" she asks.

"I like to draw, sing, write, play guitar, just be around my friends and family" I tell her after a moment of thought.

Pulling me into a bear hug she does the equivalent to an elderly women fan girl moment "aren't you the sweetest little thing!"

As I am being released from the energetic women, I see dad smiling at the two of us fondly. I grin back at dad happily before sticking my tongue out at him. Tilting his head back in laughter, I chuckle at the sight. Dad gets up ruffling my hair before following the train of people with Bandit as their conductor, to where ever they plan to go. All that is left now, are mom, grandma, and me.

"Now for the real question" grandma says seriously causing my heartbeat to quicken in anxiety. She continues before I have long to submerge myself in the feeling "anybody catch you eye" she smugly grins.

Chocking on air I try my best to respond while the two of them laugh at my reaction "wha-what where did this come from!"

"So there is" grandma teases me.

"Oh there is, isn't there Blake" mom grins hiding behind her mug of coffee.

I give them both a wide eyed stare of shock, I had thought mom forgot all about that, apparently she did not. Slowly and weakly I respond "maybe."

Mom plops down on the other side of me pulling me into a hug "just maybe huh?" Grandma chuckles at that.

"Okay maybe I like him a lot" I blush profusely.

"It's a boy is it, what's his name" grandma asks sweetly.

"Hi-his name is Jasper. He's really sweet, and accepting, and protective" I say my face heating up more and more with each word.

They both squeal crushing me in between them in a hug. Laughing I struggle to escape their embrace, but do not succeed. The others come back to see this scene only to laugh at our foolish behavior. Bandit decides she wants in on the cuddles, and jumps onto my lap hugging us all giggling. Dad snaps a picture of the moment smiling fondly at the four of us as uncle Mikey is in tears laughing.

"So what's going on here" dad asks teasingly.

"Blake here was just telling us about the boy he likes" grandma mischievously replies.

"Grandma!" I exclaim, to which everyone laughs.

Recovering from the laughing fit dad said "Well grandma and grandpa will be staying for a week-"

"Yay!" Bandit interrupts him in pure excitement.

Picking up bandit as I stand up, I move her to stand on the couch. I hint to her to hop on my back, which she does so very joyously. We run through the house together, giggling like a couple of cartoon criminals. Bandit cheers me on, telling me where to go. Everyone watches us play like the kids we are.

"It's time for Bandit to go to bed" mom tells us smiling.

"Awe! Can bro bro put me too bed?" asks little B.

Mom gives the nod of approval, the sign we use to race up the stairs. Bursting through her room, I playfully drop Bandit on her bed. She laughs and giggles the whole time, it was beyond adorable. I wait on her bed as she rushes off to change into her pajamas, and do her nightly routine.

Tucking her into bed I ask "what story do you want little B?"

"Could you sing for me?" she asks with her innocent eyes.

My eyes widen in shock, that she would even want me to sing for her, before I answer "of course sis, any preference?"

"Can you sing one of daddy's songs?" she asks.

After a few seconds of thought I start to sing  _"if I could be with you tonight I would sing you to sleep."_

As the song carries on her eyes dearly start to close. Her peaceful face is such a drastic change from the energetic child she is while awake. The one thing that does not change is that she always has a smile on her face. Surprisingly I hold no jealousy towards my little sister, I am just happy that she has the life she does, and that I have ended up where I am now. Softly I kiss her forehead before making my way out of the little princess' room. Silently I close the door, before turning around about to head back down stairs.

"You are such a good brother you know that right?" dad says startling me.

"Th-thank you, she deserves to have a good brother, so I try" I answer honestly.

He smiles at me pulling me into a hug "and you deserve a good family, so we try to be."

"But you already are" I say confused.

"Exactly, you already are" he replies before adding on "oh and once again, I love your voice little siren."

"I love you, all of you" I hug him tighter.

"We love you too" he kisses the top of my head.

Suddenly I am lifted over his shoulder as he races down the stairs. Quietly I scream as to not wake Bandit. He runs through the living room for everyone to see our antics, much to their amusement. I am tossed down onto an empty couch, and mercilessly tickled. Uncle Mikey joins in on the tickling much to my displeasure, but to his great joy.

"Stop! Please stop!" I squeal out through giggles.

"Never!" dad cheers childishly.

I stay up talking with the family for a few hours before dad reminds me to take my pills. Kissing everyone a goodnight, I go down to my dungeon. Doing my nightly routine before flopping down onto the bed, I am ready to sleep. Almost ready, just need to wait for my medication to kick in so that I can sleep. Mindlessly I hum tunes to myself, as thoughts drift through my head. At some point my mind drifts to sleep, melodies dancing throughout my dreams.

"Coffee" Dad and I grumble out in a haze of tiredness.

"Here you go ya zombies" mom chuckles out handing us both our life lines.

I stumble out the door sipping on my nectar of the gods, shambling towards my dreaded destination. Seeing my group of friends, I take the final steps before collapsing my weight on Jasper, but careful not to spill my coffee. He chuckles at me wrapping an arm around my shoulders continuing to talk to the others. Rae smirks at me mischievously, but my mind was not ready to process the meaning behind the look I was receiving.

_Ring ring_

"No" I grumble in protest.

"Come on it's Friday, last day before the weekend" Jasper says.

"Mmm" I grumble out in disgust.

Next thing I know I am on his back heading to class. The teacher rolled her eyes at us but said nothing. I hop off his back with a pout, to which he laughs. Realizing I never brought my bag to my locker, I shrug not particularity caring. Dropping into my seat I zoned out throughout the class waiting for the next period to arrive. When the bell finally rang, immediately I jumped onto Jasper back; claiming my rightful spot.

Upon arriving at our music class; we were subjected to Rae's teasing "Awwwwwe look at you two, so adorable."

"Shut up" I say sticking out my tongue.

"I see the dead has risen" Rae chuckles at her own joke.

Snorting I respond "coffee is a magical bean, fuck you Jack my beans are better."

"You sure are something" Jasper says letting me down.

"And you better not forget it" I tell him filled with sass.

Since we were at the end of the year and there was not an exam for music, it was pretty much a free period. As per usual we worked on music, it seems like every moment we spend together is talking about our music. It is not a bad thing, in fact I love it. We are all so passionate about it, and are all determined to succeed. Even Jane who is not technically part of the band, though we consider her to be.

Lunch rolled around, it was like every lunch. We would talk about music, and the occasional other topic before returning to our main focus. Kyle would come around being an asshole, and we would tell him to fuck off. Art came and passed with the usual conversations with Janey. It was not until spare did things change from the normal routine. Jane and Rae left without us, which confused me. Too add to the confusion, Jasper led us to a park instead of Rae's.

"Jasper what's going on?" I asked confused.

With a deep breath he talks "I'm not good at this sort of thing, I've even done this before." He laughs awkwardly before continuing "Blake would you- would you- Would you be my boyfriend." I stare at him shocked, and processing what was happening. Obviously the silence started to get to him when he started to ramble "it's okay if you don't want to. I would completely understand, don't feel pressured. Though I would love it if we could still be friends, but again I understand if that would be to awkward for you-"

"Yes" I simply state causing him to whip his eyes up to mine.

"What?" he asks in shock.

I grin at him "I'll be your boyfriend."

He smiles widely as he pulls me into a embrace "can I kiss you?"

"Yes" I reply.

He tangles his fingers in my hair slowly leaning down to my face. Movies never portrayed how awkward kisses were, how clumsy. Despite this though; it was perfect, and I would not ask for it to be any other way. Neither of us were willing to let go of each other; it was as if either of us let go, the dream would end. Months of pining and falling, emotions building up, and here we are. Just months earlier I thought I would die unhappily, alone, never finding any sort of love. I have found love in family, in friends, and in Jasper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are folks, the second last chapter. I'm sorry for being a week, and a day, late. A lot has been going on, from on and off sick, too being an emotional mess. Right now I'm writing this end note at 4am, and I am delusional. I am getting off track, fuck ADHD. To be honest I am ready to end this fic because I want to move onto other ideas that I am very excited for, I have fourteen ideas of this moment.
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> ~Love Aiden♡


	12. Once More With Feeling

"Happy one year anniversary" Jasper says caressing my cheek.

"Happy one year anniversary" I reply pulling him into a kiss.

Unlike the first time we kissed, there was less clumsiness and more experience. Even so, nothing can compare to the first kiss, but that does not mean every other kiss does not mean anything or enjoyable. Standing here together, our bodies morphing into one as if we could never be close enough. I love him, it took awhile to realize that, as I have never felt this sort of love before.

My grip in his hair tightens as I kiss him increasingly more fiercely and desperate. He holds me closer to himself; protective arms making me feel at home. Releasing our lips from the others, we stare into the eyes in front of us; taking in the beauty. I still am surprised with how lucky I am to be here, but I am always just as grateful.

He steps away from me with a smirk upon his face. I give him a confused but curious look, wondering what he id doing. Grabbing his base he sits on my bed, tuning it as I stare in curiosity. When he finishes his tuning; he looks up at me with a smile before he starts to strum a beautiful melody. Then he starts to sing, lyrics meant for only me, lyrics declaring his love for me, lyrics representing our time together. Tears of joy roll down my face, and as soon as he is done I tackle him in a hug, careful not to hurt his bass.

"I love you" I whisper into his shoulder that is damp from the tears of my eyes.

"I love you too" he replies petting the back of my head.

"Blaaaaake!" exclaims a adorable Bandit bursting through the doors of my room.

"Whats up little B?" I say in question.

"Daddy has a surprise!" she cheers.

With a raised eyebrow towards Jasper, who in return gives but a shrug, we follow Bandit up the stairs. Walking into the room mom and dad are sitting on the couch patiently yet seriously waiting for us. Bandit hops into a chair bouncing up and down waiting for the news to be shared. Hesitantly I sit down on the opposite couch beside Jasper, clinging to his hand like it is a lifeline.

"Blake" dad says seriously. Nodding my head hesitantly in response, he continues "we have some news." A smile takes over bother their faces before he excitedly finishes what he has to say "We have a date for your surgery!"

Silence takes over the room, suffocating everyone who stares in anticipation at me. Taking my time too process the information correctly, I sit there. The silence seems to last forever, never ending, but I could not utter a word. Slowly I look down at my horrible chest, that no matter how hard I bind will never be good enough. Now I will never have to bind again, I will finally be free of this horrible part of me. My hand covers my mouth as I cry once again, looking at everyone in shock and relief.

"Mommy, what does that mean" Bandit asks innocently.

"It means sweetie that Blake can get rid of her breasts. Blake is able to physically start becoming a boy" she explains.

"But he already is a boy" Bandit says confusion increasing.

That innocent sentence is one of the most beautiful things I have heard in my life. I stand up engulfing my sister in a tight hug that she returns. Kissing her forehead, I pull  her as close to me as possible enjoying every second of the moment. Once again I am reminded how brilliant of a family I have.

Remembering that she wants an answer I do my best to explain "I am a boy, but I still have girl parts. So this means I need surgery to get my boy parts."

She scrunches up her face in distaste "Why aren't you born with the right parts, that's so mean."

I laugh at her happily innocence before replying "not everybody is born in the right body."

"That isn't right, you are big brother B" she says stubbornly.

"Yes I am, and you are my little sister B" I reply.

We are both surprised by a sudden flash behind us. Turning our heads in sync, we see dad sheepishly smiling as he slowly putting down his phone. Mom is laughing at the scene, and Jasper trying to hide his chuckles behind his hand. 

"Sorry forgot to turn of the flash" dad explains.

Rolling my eyes at him, I laugh. When I pull myself together I ask "so when is the surgery?"

He grins "next week."

"Really" I squeal out.

"Of course! And we all no what this means. Celebration dinner!" Mom exclaims.

So we pile into the car, and drive to the selected restaurant for our celebration. We chat excitedly as we wait for our food, having just a all around good time. My head rests on Jasper's shoulder watching my family being them selves. Dad and uncle Mikey, who met us here, are chatting excitedly about new comics. Mom and Bandit are having a staring contest, which Bandit taking with all the seriousness a child can. I smile happily, before turning and kissing Jasper on the cheek.

"I have something for you" he tells me.

"Oh" I question with a raised eyebrow.

Next thing I know I am staring at a ring as he explains "I want to marry you one day, I'm not asking for engagement, but I am making you a promise. I promise to stay by your side, to protect you, to love you, to spend our lives together. I promise to always be yours if you want to always be mine."

I pull him into a deep kiss unknowing to the picture dad takes of the scene before him. Separating from each others faces, he slowly slides the ring onto my finger. The ring is beautiful a silver band with obsidian jewels all around itself. The whole night was perfect, and it was nowhere near over. As we ate our food mindlessly discussing pointless topics, I was perfectly content.

After the bill is paid I ask dad "can you drop us off at Rae's?"

"I can drop you guys off" uncle Mikey intervenes.

"Thanks uncle Mikey" I exclaim hugging him closely.

Chuckling he hugs me back "no problem kiddo."

"I'm guessing your coming home late, remember to take your pills before bed" dad says before kissing my forehead.

Waving goodbye to my family, we head towards uncle Mikey's car. The ride is discussions full of music, specifically bass between Jasper and uncle Mikey. Arriving at Rae's we see everyone outside with all their equipment, including ours.

"Got a gig tonight" uncle Mikey asks proudly.

Sheepishly I answer "yep" popping the 'p'.

"Is it okay if I come see, I haven't seen you guys live yet. I'll also help out with equipment, I know how tiresome that can be" he offers.

"Of course! Thank you uncle Mikey!" I answer in excitement.

We walk out of the car towards the group helping them get the equipment into Andy's van. When we are finished, Uncle Mikey offers to drive some of us there, to which we accept. Rae and I ride with Andy. While Jasper and Jade ride with uncle Mikey. The energy was filled with excitement as we drive towards the venue. Stopping outback behind the bar, I run towards the front entrance.

"Daniel!" I exclaim barging through the door.

"Blake" the tall bartender exclaims, picking me up off the ground into a hug. "So glad you guys are here, it's a packed house tonight" he says.

"Really" I ask hopefully.

"Of course it is! The community loves you guys" he chuckles while he explains.

"Thanks man, anyways I better go help out" I say about to depart.

"You better go do that" he smiles.

Running towards the back entrance I open it for the others "come on in!"

"Took you long enough" Rae jokes as she carries in a part of her drum set.

As we set up on the little stage the bar has, I could not help but think about the past year and a half. I never thought anyone would hear the words I scream, and yet here is the local music scene who loves us. We have consistent gigs here at Daniels bar, The Shot of Music. Here is where you want to be if you dream to be a punk band. There is so much more we have to run before we truly can make it, but we love where we are just as much as where want to be.

"Good luck" Jasper says kissing me before we walk onto the stage to play.

Facing the energetic crowd I smile "Welcome everyone, We.Are.Universe.25!!!!!"

The cheers from the crowd fuel me as we start our set. Rae beats the drums with everything she has. While Jasper is jumping around the stage playing as if it is the last time he will ever perform. Then there is Andy focused in the music, seemingly one with the melody. Finally, there I am shredding the guitar as if desperate for others to hear. My voice pumping out through me towards the people jamming to our hopes and dreams.

"We are going to play as much as possible the next two weeks" I say between songs causing the crowd to cheer. "But after that we will be taking a month break while I recover from my surgery, don't worry it is nothing bad. I am just finally getting rid of these flesh bags on my chest" I finish.

Jasper pulls me into a kiss, which causes some whistles from the audience. Daniel is busy kicking out the assholes who were trying to start something, yelling transphobic slurs. I could not care less though, here was a crowd of people who did not care either, and a band to back me up.

Jasper turns towards the mic before talking "now here's the last song of the night, thank you for supporting my boyfriend, and all of us."

"LETS DO THIS SHIT" I yell before jumping into the final song with all my might. This is my life, I am no longer Lillian Ellen Harper, I am Blake Harper Way, and that will never change. The support of everyone in my life is all I need, along with the music that we release too the people who enjoy it. My name is Blake, a transgender boy, mentally fucked up, but that is okay, I love my life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's the end mother fuckers! We are finally finished! I do have some problems with how I have written this fic and plan to use what I have learned for my next fics. I have a lot of ideas for other fics in this fandom, and a few others. This particular series is going to have a stand alone sequel that follows jasper, as well as a alternate universe fic based in the world of Danger Days, it may be a one shot or a whole story.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading this story, it means the world to me!
> 
> ~Love Aiden♡

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first time writing in a long time, here's hoping that it is not shit and is actually enjoyable.
> 
> I realized I only write this when my dysphoria is really getting to me, so I will hopefully get this done fast if that's the case. This story is really me just venting through a character who has similar problems that I do.
> 
> I will not write out songs that he creates because I am saving my personal lyrics for my band. I will also not pretend that other songs belong to him, because I feel it is incredibly disrespectful to the original artist, songs are art and very personal and should be treated with respect.
> 
> Enough ranting, I hope you enjoy, and if there are any concerns I'll answer them in the comments or in the notes at the end of each chapter.
> 
> Love Aiden♡


End file.
